Saturday, June 9, 2007

sometimes, it feels as though I can't do


anything without stopping to jot down a few notes.
for while I am not actively creating, lately
I am earnestly listening, to find if i can hear, a bit more, of the story

as I go about my day
I am steeped in voices
fading in and out of time
who and where, am I
Miki is I-Koji is I- I am I
How my mind flutters back and forth between the three
site, sound, smell, promoting an observation or thought, from one of us three
Japanese man, little bobtail cat, American woman
strange company within me, coexisting so serenely,interacting (Koji and Mik), and overlapping, yet each thought separate
so that my notebook is filled with
Mikiyoshi-
Koji-
Me-
over and over, followed by the thoughts of, or words of each, feelings, and what scene, or what time, (for them). So I will be able to go back through and connect the scenes, parts, and beings, with themselves, with others.

me-putting on make-up. I hear- "as he stood by the river..."- and I see Mikiyoshi, and the narrative goes on.

Koji and Mikiyoshi both go back and forth between being I and being he.
I still might tell the story as third person omniscient. But more and more Koji scrambles for I (and Mik is the occasional, I within the I).
I know why the cat wants to tell the story. And I also know why the past needs to be interwoven within the present. As todays actions are releasing them (time, memories) within the character, and both move together...
However both these things, the cat, and the time thing, make it a more complicated tale to tell.

by the bye,
poppies are symbolic in and of the story

P.S Dear Lord, I must sign the boy up for more summer activites, the school year hasn't even ended yet, and he is constantly in my face with, "I am bored". Complained when I was outside, refused to come out with me. Now I am here on my computer next to him, so he can go online on the other one, as he begged and pleaded so to do; and he just talks and talks and talks, "now I am doing this, now I am here, do you know about this, and that, and"...it is all legos, which are cool, but...really this is my idea of too much information.
Bob has a blog now, maybe cheese should have one too, if they are so keen on constantly narrating their lives, they need to expand their audience rather then use just me. They aren't this way with each other, I know because I have tried to pawn them off onto each other. It doesn't work. Yes, yes, I know, am horrible dreadful person. Intently listening for the voices of fictional people and trying rather desperately to drown out the real ones of those around her (people that I do in fact love). But seriously, the fictional ones, say things that I find more interesting.

well not all the time, sometimes Cheese and Bob really talk to me (you know thoughts and feelings, other than "did you see those girls doing yoga on the fitness channel?" and "on level 32, you have to go.."...over this and under that, and buy these and these evolve into those, and this does this, and that does that, and on and on and on. They both like to explain things to me in great detail, and tell me how to play, and do things, I hope to never do, and wouldn't be able to remember any of, at all, even if I wanted to.). They can both be quite funny. But most of the time they aren't really talking to me. And I don't know why I am expected to forever serenely listen to people, who don't even pretend to listen to me? Sorry I am in a bad mood, I was happy outside, and am miffed to be in, and no longer riding a pleasant narrative wave.

and I feel guilty, for being angry, and having such an awful personality.

What a horrid post, all dreamy and happy about the unreal, and showing my stinginess to those real.

time is wrong, it's after 3pm

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