Thursday, June 21, 2007

some evil women took my rose

I was merely doing a loop before I picked it up, heavy you know, and when I went back 3 minutes later, it was gone. I kept staring at the place where it had been, empty space, I walked away a couple of times and came back, as if it would some how magically appear (well I hoped the person who had it would change his/her mind and put it back). I looked at every single other rose bush there, in case it had been moved, and in case there was one other, somewhere, just like it. No to both. It was the perfect shade, pale, cream, with blushing touches of pink and apricot. I don't think it was a Dave Austin rose, but it was in that style, a modern version of old english. I am so upset with myself I can't stand it.
It was a two for the price of one sale.
The rose in the photo is grahm thomas. I bought that and glamis castle. The colors yellow and white, are not at all the same as pale pink. But they are both Austin roses in the english style, and I was pleased to come across them. If only I had picked up that other rose right away, I would be so happy right now, rather than pouty, quite irritated with the thrill of hope, becoming the weight of disappointment. My son says I care too much about it. He is right. But so many times this spring I was on the verge of having a pale pink cupped rose, and each time, it slipped through my grasp.

I'm fairly certain I know which women bought it, I saw them looking at the roses too. I feel dark, and slip into pettiness; they don't look at all to me like the sort of people who would dig a 2 by 2 hole, don't look like they'd be physically able, don't look like would bother with trying. Across the parking lot, I saw that they had two roses in the back seat of their car; I wondered if it would be worth it, to stop soaking in my ill temperament, and run over and beg them for it, make some sort of trade; could it really matter as much to them as it does to crazy me? But of course I didn't do that. I try to limit myself to only feeling crazy, rather than feeling and acting crazy.

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