I miss you

I went to your sister's graduation party today. I saw you, but you weren't there. We avoided talking about you, but we all thought about you, we all missed you, noticed you weren't there. When Cheese played hide and seek with your younger sister and his cousins, I so wanted to see you there running beside them. You would have taken such care, and played with little K. And when it was time to leave, and your little sister ran and grabbed Cheese to hug and try and kiss him goodbye, the way you always did, the way the two of you did, like a tag team of affection, against Cheese's protests, how could I not but miss you so, and picture you there too, hugging my son, as he looked all annoyed (but we always know he likes it).
It seems so odd that time goes on, that there could be a family party without you there (though I guess since we all thought of you, in a way you were there). We seemed to pass so many cemeteries on the way there, the sky all grey, the rain was quiet and peaceful. I refuse to think of you as in a grave
Tomorrow we go to my mom's (Aunt Mary's), to have a get together, and to celebrate Cheese's birthday from last month. I wish I could see you there tomorrow. Remember last year, when we all went fishing for his birthday? That wasn't so long ago was it? Not so far away, I still feel I could reach out through time, and be on that day. I remember it so well. You all smashed the heck out of that SpongeBob pinata...
there, there, there
Tomorrow will be hard, I will look for you, and expect to see you, and when I don't, it will all feel wrong.
Funny sunny girl, it wont be the same without you, it will never be the same.
I miss you