Thursday, October 1, 2015

    Perhaps I have posted this photo before, but if I spend time going about looking for a photo, then I shall never get to the part where I actually write the post.

    I can't recall where I left off....In February my son insisted on quitting college, said he was depressed and even mentioned suicide, which was startling, awful. I still don't know if it was just a power play, as he was going into college on Fridays to just hang out and play video games with friends, had a group he went out to lunch with, and he seemed really happy. He had even at one point said that he was the happiest he had ever been. It was hard to get him out of the building to come home. But he knew once he said those words, he had won. All I could do was negotiate for him to finish out the year. Now he is doing the year leave of absence thing, working on making a video game (with friends from school), finishing the art site he has been working on for over a year (he keeps completely revamping it), and working on his digital drawing/painting. He works on these things daily. He still goes into school once a week to hang out and play video games. I don't really think he will go back next year, but I can always hope. The deal was that if he finished out the year and did the year leave of absence thing, then he would be free to work on his projects, without having to get a job for that year.

This was originally longer, but better keep it on the shorter for now.
I've been rambling through the bramble a bit much.

Friday, January 9, 2015

I can't believe how long it has been since I stopped by here.
Actually I am doing really well. I feel normal most of the time. That does need a little * by it though, pointing out that I haven't exactly been doing a whole heck of a lot.  I made teaching my son how to drive a priority in July, and I made sure I wasn't doing anything to compromise my ability to do that.

    I can feel my life changing, but in super slow motion. In late spring my son graduated high school.  In late August I started driving with him to and from college- he commutes to a local branch of Penn State.  He goes to college for computer science (*update late December- after first semester he switched to IST- still computers but with a lot less math required). In November he got his license (yeah!). He has decided that he still wants me in the car for awhile longer though  (and I agree)- because the commute involves some busy highway traffic. But the long range plan is that at some point he will drive himself without me also being in the car. Well that is my plan anyway, it isn't something he seems to be striving for. He feels now that he has his license, he should be able to just relax and not have to drive so much and practice, practice, practice.  But at least now I know if I ever am unable to drive, he still will be able to get to school. So that gives me some breathing room. By junior and senior year he will go to Penn State's main campus. But since he is at home now, and I still drive to and from school with him, it doesn't feel radically different from high school (for me). He is definitely changing though -becoming more social, more comfortable. He says he is the happiest he has ever been. 

My son does however talk about wanting to be an artist instead. If he wasn't enjoying hanging around the other kids so much, he would no doubt be asking to drop out and spend his days making art on the computer. I want him to have the computer science/IST degree (he picked that major ) even if he then goes on to be an artist. You know the whole having something to fall back on thing.  I want him to have work that he enjoys, and I also want him to be able to afford to eat- and not have to struggle. Especially perpetually. It is one thing to struggle for a couple of years- it is another, to always be struggling to make ends meet. 

The thing is he complains about not having enough time to do art- but the computer programming stuff he is always working on in his free time- is um his own decision-not school work. He now has two servers, I don't even understand what he is doing with them. I know he is working on creating his own site. But I don't think he needs his own servers for that. ?

Okay this post was originally scary long- so I broke it into pieces-