Sunday, September 27, 2009

My husband saw this photo the other day, that I took on a day trip to the shore, and sadly used it to to check for hair loss on the back of his head.  Perhaps I should have told him why I took it.  I was walking a few paces behind them (because my right foot hurt), and as I looked forward (wondering who these people were that I was hobbling after and why I was bothering) thought, "that is my whole life right there in front of me, my whole world contained in two people."  Now I don't mean I am not about anything else, for of course I am.  What I mean is, I felt how deeply important they are to me.  I felt there inherent value in my life, and how connected we are.  I am a mom and a wife, and in the whole world, these are my people, and I am theirs'. And it was all good, it was better than good. My family, our family, us. There was peace in it, contentment, and a bit of that wispy butterfly...happiness.

And lately I am finding that my happiness is not wispy and sheer, feelings of joy do flutter, they come and go, intense for a moment then fade, I do often feel tired (and look it), and I am still surprised by how often I get stressed out over things that ultimately don't matter, but as I get older I find that underneath these moments of feeling, running through connecting all to each other, is a stability of feeling which I would call at its core happy. I would not describe it as the happiness of giddy laughter, but the happiness of things feeling right. We are still working on the details, as individuals, and as a family,  of how we want to be in the world, and how we want to be with each other, but it's good. It's better than good. And I am grateful. Grateful to have these two people to hobble after on a sunny hot August day, these people who can really drive me nuts.  My people. My family. Us. I don't want to be part of any other story.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Check out the Bleeding Espresso link (down quite a bit and over to the right) for a contest which hopes to increase our ovarian cancer awareness (and thus decrease our risks).
I will be reading more about it myself, but can't now as my husband is sitting next to me; he is a nice and rather chatty fellow (who likes to share whatever he is thinking or looking at, like showing me pics of, "rad skateboard designs"), rendering me unable to read or think.

I do know there is some connection with foods that have the letter O