firstly because I have too much stuff written in my notebooks, I should have written up the draft already, then I could just plug stuff in where it belongs, now the whole thing is all weedy, and out of control, parts here and there, and everywhere, I don't know how to manage it, how to bring it all together in some sort of order.
Secondly because an adorable little chipmunk is forever scurrying past my window. What are you doing out there in the yard? Why are you perpetually scampering to and fro? He has been busy for hours now. I want to know where he is going, and why, if he is collecting food, and from where, and how, but I can in no way justify such an activity. (forever staring out window. And also going from window to window to follow along. While I ate breakfast, I saw a squirrel who was very itchy, and very clearly eating, as it sat on the back deck, and when it was done, it was gone, no mystery there. No distraction)
Thirdly, I just wrote up an entire page about a character who did not in any way (there goes that chipmunk again) exist in the story before, she lived in Mikiyoshi's apartment (when he lived in the city) before he did. (and now that we have met) I quite like her. And there is no way at all, to put her in the story, no way to give her screen time. None that I can think of, and none that make any sense. She did however tell me things I wanted to know, and things which will add a bit more, an extra, thin little layer onto something, that was happening already. But you see, now that I have seen her, I want her to be known, just a little glimpse, a small peek. Maybe if, I mean when, when I write out the draft, maybe at some point, there will be a way. It does echo something else. I want him to get a glimpse of her, Mikiyoshi to, to know that she is to some degree informing something that he is doing (but I don't see how). I can probably put something in there, but I will be the only one who knows what it stands for. (I will see her in it, but no one else will, not even Mik)
It is annoying that I don't seem to know how to do stuff, certain scenes, there are holes, stuff missing, transitions missing, I need information for things that are happening in current time, on screen, but I have all this other information, background stuff, and little stories of the past, which I am not sure what I am supposed to do with. Do I try to bring them out, somewhere? Do I just know them, and they inform me, but no one else knows them? I don't know. And of course I am quite fond of these little bits and pieces that don't seem to fit in anywhere.
I wish my husband and I had similar sensibilities. Stephen King, has his wife read his drafts when he is done, like his true north. She can tell him, what works, and what doesn't. But in the area of our creativity, we are very different, what we like, and don't like; even if I were so blessed and so diligent as to create it perfectly, the pitch would not sound right to his ear, different things reach his soul and make him hum, then those things that fill my heart. The reverse is also true, I must look carefully at skill, and ignore subject matter, when viewing his drawings, for the content I find unpleasant.
after 2? already? I have to leave soon, better get back to doing, rather than talking about doing.
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