Monday, June 4, 2007

so I was deep and far away

and that was how I wished to stay

But the pediatrician gave my son three shots (or rather the nurse did), charged us $350 for it, and said my son might have the beginnings of scoliosis. Yep, that brought me back, hard and sharp, to present times and thoughts. It could be nothing, it probably is nothing, I hope it is nothing, but now we get to wait and watch and see. Even just the thought, of it, of going along all swell, and then at any time, things can change, it is unnerving. I am imagining this other future, the road I hope we wont have to take, it looks so much harder for him. I know we will be fine, he will be fine, whichever road, but growing up is hard, even when things are as easy as they can be, I hope he gets to travel a smoother road. sigh

oh and on a slightly related note, I mentioned this to Bob, who was very upset, upset about Cheese's posture, and has decided to become a posture Nazi, which will make for a fun summer. The literature says, bad posture has nothing to do with causing it. But of course a strong core is benificial. I think he should just swim more, and maybe do some sit-ups or yoga, and keep on slouching. I'm a sloucher. Don't anyone give Bob a ruler.

I miss earlier today, when I was annoyed about extra characters. Nah, I can't call her that, I will go look for her name now, that will make me feel better. No sense even occupying my mind with non-straight spines, as of now, we don't know if he has it, or whether or not it will progress, or if it does how much it will, so there is nothing to do for now.
So my concern, I put you away, I will put you on the top shelf, where I can't reach you easily, but where I wont forget that you are, and I will take you out again in 6 months (hopefully only for a moment or two).
Now I will take out my A World of Baby Names book, and go to the Japanese names. And name someone who doesn't exist, but who feels very real to me. I wonder if somewhere, sometime, someone very much like her did exist, I of course, imagine so. She tugs at my sleeve, she wants a name, they never feel fully real till they have them.

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