Tuesday, June 5, 2007

a rose by any other name

I had such a happy writing buzz earlier, that I didn't dare, risk killing it, by actually writing.

I realized the character I wrote about yesterday, is the great-aunt of one of my other characters. It worked so nicely and added more meaning, more echoes, and more resolution. We carry more than our own dreams in our hands. And when we work and create for ours to come true, we bring others along with us, even if they are no longer with us. (and they often help us along on our journeys). At least, that's the way it is for Mikiyoshi.

I had my list of possible names last night. Now it is down to two, Ume (plum), because of the plum rain,( blooming in the rainy season), or Tane (seed), because that is what she is, an unplanted seed. I think the last name, may very well be, Takitani, as a tribute to Tony Takitani. And then it would sort of be funny to have her be Tane Takitani, plus that would echo Tama Takitani, who is her great-niece (they were very close, and there are connections between them). There is always Tanaka, if that name is more suitable (for all of them), but I like the tribute idea. When I realized she could be, or rather, that she is the sister of Tama's paternal grandfather. I was really happy. It is open now, I can give her some screen time if I want, or not, I could just know. I can do it very subtle, so only if you were paying close attention, would you connect the dots (probably not till a second go through) or I could say it directly, through Tama, and the characters may or may not connect the dots themselves, but a reader (who wasn't asleep) would. I didn't force it, thought it, then realized it made even more sense then before, because it is more of a circle. Feels right.

The invisible and unknown, weaving a thread through the story, and pulling it along to its rightful conclusion. (or rather, those who have gone on before, weaving a thread through Mikiyoshi, and pulling him along to his true center, way of being, home).

This morning's happy buzz lasted till almost 2, carried farther on the sights and scents of the flowers I visited, but now it is 5:20 and I'm sitting with my notebooks beside me, and my MacBook on my lap, and I hear " I can't do it, I can't do it."

The wind looks quite harsh out the window, it seems to be trying to knock my roses to the ground.


where did that energy go, that hope, that tide of enthusiasm?
If you come across it, can you send it back to me? I really need it.

I forgot the words to the song I was singing, I would hum it, but I can't feel the tune, I do still remember what the contents were about...something about writing, and liking these ideas, and sentiments, and if I could just write it right, it could be good, or at any rate I would really like the story myself, a very Taffy sort of story...something like that. But the words don't carry anything in them now. They're empty

ugh darn wind again, I would counter threaten, but you can't rally and rage against the wind. It will have its way. Tomorrow there will be a pile of peony petals on the ground, and bare stems (and they wont be alone in that condition). Nothing for me to do. What would Mikiyoshi do? He would try anything he could think of.

When out and about today, I smelled a whisper rose, it made me think of my grandmother who died in 2000. It made me think of summer times at the beach together. I don't usually buy white flowers, but now my garden needs one of these.

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