Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Turns out yes, I do live in the country. I thought maybe it was a type of burbs. Just now, looking up time and day for trick or treat night, in our county, I found a pamphlet, with a page heading ANIMAL MANURE- A VALUABLE RESOURCE (that totally answered my question, you just don't see page headings like that in the suburbs). The title on the front of the pamphlet was- Are You Thinking about Moving to the Country? (this was repeated inside and then added) to get away from it all, the traffic, the congestion, the noise, yada yada it went on, and then said well check out the realities. Then listed, (with more detail of just how bad each one was under it. But I am not typing all that in here)(instead I am adding) (These parenthesis which are what I really thought they were saying when I read each one) chemical pesticides and fertilizers (meaning it'll poison your kids.), dust (everything you own will be dirty. Your fancy smancy car, your fancy smancy house, your fancy smancy white clothes. You'll all get asthma. You want asthma?), flies (swarms of em baby. You think you'll have friends over for backyard barbecues? Martha Stewart type picnics? Ha ha ha ha ha. There are actual flies in country shoo fly pie), stinky manure (your hair will smell of it, no matter how much expensive salon shampoo and conditioner you use), smelly livestock animals housed close together (you'll live downwind of 'em. Open the windows for fresh country air? Seriously? What are you planning on getting Yankee scented candles by the SUV-ful at BJ's? ), slow tractors (You'll always be stuck behind one), noise pollution from harvesting 24/7 ( You think it is noisy at night where you live now? Just wait to you get an earful of this), Ugly modern farm buildings (eyesores. Your city friends will feel sorry for you), wells (be careful not to contaminate it! Have you heard of ecoli? Best buy stock in a toilet paper company now.), septic systems, which need periodic maintenance (your shit is your problem), lack of police (if something happens to you, don't call us, we don't care. When you were house hunting, didn't you notice all the homes had racks of guns? What did you think those were collectibles?), and lack of urban conveniences ( you have to drive all the way back to the city for those. I mean do you really think you can live without those? Do you even truly want to try?). Oh, I was cracking up. Clearly my county feels there are enough people in their area of the country already. Title should have been, Why you really shouldn't move here, just stay the heck where you are.

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