Saturday, October 13, 2007

attempt at birds, / and yes I am crazy

in my defense, I was driving, and they were flying

Earlier this week, Bob and I were driving, and there were little brown birds all over the road and in the fields, on both sides of us, I pleaded for him to go slowly, and he did. They took flight very slowly in front and all around us, moving in waves, up, away, and across, relanding on either side. I sat there with my mouth open. Happily absorbing the moment.
We drove on. And Bob went on and on about politics, and I tried to block him out, and hold onto that moment.
I waited about 5 minutes, but decided I really did want to talk to him about it, I said "the bir..." and my voice broke, choked off by emotion, I tried again "the birds,... the birds..." and tears came to my eyes, and Bob looked over at me, with a sweet smile on his face, as his lips twitched from trying very hard not to laugh, but he managed to say softly (though a tad condenscendingly) "yes, you like the birds". I tried to explain it to him. It never used to be this way, but there is a scene in my story with birds taking flight, and ever since then, I don't know, it really touches me. It seems emotional and spiritual. A symbolism in it that shakes me, like standing in the ocean, as the waves come crashing through. Bob said "like when the music swells, at that emotionally dramatic point in a movie". Yes, that is exactly it. That is how it feels. That is how I feel.
Except sometimes it makes me giddy happy, tickles, and I laugh outloud. (I didn't say that last part to him).
So that is how I am about the birds taking flight, or flying in swooping masses (for about a year or so now), I don't really understand why. But it is sort of neat (except for the feeling slightly off my rocker part) because I never know, in the middle of what day, I will have this experience, when birds will suddenly pull me out of wherever I am in my head, in my life, and I will be enthralled, taken away in the flight of this scene, a vision that speaks to me in ways without words. And if there be medication to help with this, well I don't want it.

I couldn't capture them with my camera, no matter how I tried, the birds were too high and fast, and both birds and leaves flew by in furious drifts of wind.

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