Tuesday, October 16, 2007

not alone/stronger than I had known


when darkness filled my days
I stood unsteady
bent with a burden, I knew not how to carry
desperate
I called out
a long piercing sound of sadness
a cry for help that contained no words
jumbled jagged notes of pain,
all my pain
till the exhaustion of my body, and the exhaustion of my spirit
were matched by the exhaustion of sound
and then I waited
not still, on the floor
not on my knees
I waited in my life, busy
for there was no time to be still.
In time
you answered
in little signs
over and over again
I am here
in actions
you will be okay
in words
you are not alone
I had to stand a while longer
I cried out more than once
but each time you answered
so I stood a while longer
knowing, I was heard
knowing, I was not alone
knowing helped my legs hold up under me,
stronger than I had known



now I sit still
and I thank you

7 comments:

Amy said...

WOW - So Powerful!
How'd the haircut go?
Amy

Taffiny said...

Amy,
Thanks

oh well, um...Cheese says it is ok, but it looks kinda strange to me. It is rather hard to translate cartoon hair to people. The whole process was a bit off, because whenever I would ask "shorter here? Keep it long? What do you think? What do you want me to do?". Cheese would just say "I don't know. What do you think?". And all I keep thinking was "this is a bad idea".

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

This is a most stunning photography, Taffiny - the sky on fire - it needs a poem to go with it! :-)

Hope the haircut went well... I think the hair gel, hair spray will do the final trick!

Taffiny said...

Vanilla,
probably not what you had in mind, but it is what came to my mind.

Thanks for you comment on the photo.

I do hope the hair goes well enough, we should get harispray today. Middle school can be tough, I was a bit nervous sending him off this morning. ( I warned him that everyone might not "understand" his hair style). Actually it is time to go get him now.

Rambler said...

"In time
you answered
in little signs
over and over again"

just loved this,
thanks for sharing

Taffiny said...

Rambler,
Thanks.
And I am so grateful I was answered.
(like threads of light, I could hold onto)

The time I am talking about, is over 7 years ago, when my Nana and Pop were sick (and as it turns out dying), and my son was a toddler, and I was an overwhelmed care giver. Who wanted to do it all well, and do right by everyone, but I know I didn't.

I am amazed at people who care for others well. Home care nurses are these incredibly special people. The nurses would come from about 10am-4pm, Mon-Fri, and easily do stuff, that I struggled with, both physically and emotionally. And they did it beautifully, with peace, patience, strength, and tenderness.

Several times when I did transfers, we ended up on the floor...
oh anyway, just wanted to say how really important it was for me at the time, to not feel unheard, not feel alone. I could not imagine having to go through that time period, without having that thread of light woven through it. Plus I still miss my grandparents, but the feeling of being heard and helped by something greater than myself, helps me feel better about the physical distance between us now. Like there is some eternal interconnectedness.

Rambler said...

I guess some people are really god sent, sometimes even the smaller gestures they do, means such a lot to us, they might think they are just doing their job, but to us, its so much important.
Thanks for sharing the your story, it does feel nice to know such good people exist.