Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Updated at 9:22 PM to 46,120

only at 44,435 so far, keep working stuff into, and around in, yesterday's work, rather than moving ahead.

I realize what is wrong with the feeling of the work, that strained feeling rather than joy. Because I am not fully scening, seeing. Rather I am moving forward in narrow views, trying to get words ahead.

A few minutes ago, I added the words, bee-eater, and jacamar, into something I wrote yesterday and was surprised by how happy, these, shouldn't be there anyway but are, bird words made me.
I am not going to change how I am working, I am putting one word down then the next trying to move ahead,
but I am going to go back after I do get to the ending, and dream into it more. Have it come more fully alive, and play in it.
And then I am going to go back in a third time, and cut things down, and chop extra stuff away.

But I am not living in it now, fully immersed and swimming deep, in all this vibrant stuff.
No I act like I am walking a tightrope, and just trying to move quickly across some scary abyss.

remember Tiffany, standing in a garden filled with all the stuff you like best, standing in a story filled with all the things you like best. Drop your fear off here. Toss all that stuff down, come, come dream with me...

I want to hear it pitch and hum :)

I've forgotten why I am here, why I am walking this path, one is of course a desire to be a writer, but that is only one of the reasons for telling myself this story.

Updated to- today's writing didn't go any faster, but after giving myself this little talk I was more relaxed, it felt more like walking through something and really trying to see and observe, where as yesterday it had felt like I was battling some beast.

7 comments:

sognatrice said...

So glad you've given yourself this pep talk! You're doing so great--there *will* be time later to go back and fix, fix, fix. And then you will truly enjoy living in the now, or then as it were.

I long ago surrendered on the 50,000 goal, but I am working toward 25,000--about 4,000 to go by Friday. I can do it!

I plan on writing a NaNo recap post when it's all said and done and why I'm so happy I did this even though I won't "win."

Keep typing lovely lady!

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I am so proud of you that you have made it so far, Taff - it is a brilliant and wonderful achievement. The end is in sight now and you've done brilliantly! Just a little further to go and you know you'll do it.

Taffiny said...

Sognatrice,
:)

So we both have 4,000 to go by Friday. We can do it!
You have been one busy lady, so 25,000 seems a very good goal. I admit to having let things slide a bit about the homestead. I can tell (and they have told me) both Bob and Cheese feel I have not been paying them adequate amounts of attention. Still I feel this is the choice I needed to make.

Thanks for the encouragement!!!! :)


Vanilla,

It is so great that you are up to visiting :) !
(good to see your beans about my place)

Thank you so much, your support is warmly (hugely) appreciated. You have so kindly and graciously given it.

Oh goodness I have to make it now, don't I? I will feel so bad if I don't. Just a little bit further...

Paul said...

"I am going to go back after I do get to the ending, and dream into it more. Have it come more fully alive, and play in it."

This is totally how I feel. I feels as though I have the bones of the story, and will then need to go back and add the stuff like skin and heart to make it alive.

Taffiny said...

Paul,

I like your words very much.
I shall repeat them to myself when it is time, to add the skin and the heart, so I can make it alive.

Vesper said...

But I am not living in it now, fully immersed and swimming deep, in all this vibrant stuff.
No I act like I am walking a tightrope, and just trying to move quickly across some scary abyss.

Oh, I like this so much... It will be all yours, Taff, just trust yourself.

Taffiny said...

Vesper,

Thank you.
I hope you are right.
For whether or not you are, I feel so much better when I am able to believe that you are.

How nice that we can carry some faith in each other, for each other. That I carry faith in you, for you, and you do the same for me. When you find you need some, and can't find it within yourself, you can come ask me, and I will have some to give you.

Sometimes it is hard to trust in oneself, even though that is the only way.