Wednesday, November 7, 2007

winter will come



I hear her footsteps as she approaches
my flower garden wilting, turning brown.
Preparing to tuck itself back underground



I can't seem to control my mood. I was fine just an hour ago, thinking of bending down, and blowing on embers, to heat a wide circle of rocks that surround a tender little shoot, new and growing, to give warmth through the ground, to protect from wind and cold. I thought of my story as a map of my heart, a constellation chart reflecting the essential parts. I thought over the ideas and imagery, and it was like a meditation that calmed me. But now I am sad, so sad, like I have been hurt deeply in some way, in the moments between those thoughts and sitting here now, and I don't know why. I don't understand.

I guess though, that it is an okay place to start today's writing from, I don't feel anxious or scared, just sad. Like I have lost something, that mattered to me, and I don't know what it was, so I don't know how to go about searching for it, so there is no great hope of finding it. But I don't feel restless and chaotic, I feel centered in my sadness.
The words -lost illusions and delusions come to mind.

now I am off, to this writing adventure of mine.

3 comments:

Paul said...

Good luck with your writing, and I hope you feel better.

I'm at 13,000 words right now, but I feel pretty burnt out with it at the moment. How am I going to get to 50,000?

paul (http://strugglingwriter.wordpress.com)

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I often find that sadness is the best place from which to start writing. And maybe your moods are just matching the season.

Hope the writing goes well and hope you feel a little cheerier soon - but flow with it and honour your feelings.

Taffiny said...

Thanks Paul and Vanilla,
I can't believe I missed your comments at the time. I thank you for extending these words to me.