Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I didn't sleep well last night, 4 hours maybe, I was tense from the writing and felt bad about how I had acted,
I talked to my son today about my crankiness yesterday. I sad I was sorry. I had said that to him yesterday too, while I was being cranky, and begging him to just let me work on my writing.

It is hard for me to give them the attention they desire, husband, son, sometimes even the cat. It is a struggle for me. They can seem like buckets with holes in them, no matter how much I think I am putting in, they never seem to get full.
I don't need that level of attention, of interaction. I have never had it. I desire more quiet and space. It is partly how I naturally am, and partly how I had to be. I tend to find this need of theirs confusing. I love spending time with Cheese, but I also need to work on my own projects, and have space, and time, and quiet. And at times I find it hard to work out, giving myself what I need, and making sure they feel loved and cared for.

4 comments:

Vesper said...

Oh, a woman's fate... What about them giving you what you need? Why does it always have to be they and not you? I'm confronted with the same problems and feeling a bit rebellious now. I'm with you, Taff! :-)

Taffiny said...

Vesper,

Thanks, I could use the company.

(well I mean that is, as long as you aren't asking me to make you dinner, while you tell my your views on politics, and ignroe everything I have to say. :) )

No, they don't try to give me what I need. I don't think it occurs to them that they should, or even could, or that it would be in any way a worthwhile thing to do. (my needs/wants are quite small, it wouldn't be hard at all, once they got past the whole wanting to do it thing)

I have at times tried to point them in this direction, but I have not cleverness, nor art enough, to get them to take one step in it.

Amy said...

I know days have past since this entry, but I am finally giving myself time to catch up with this lovely blogging circle. Just want you to know my fantasy solution to this...fulfilling everyone else's needs first...not sure who demands it more of me, them or me but that's another line of thought.....is going off to live by myslef for some time with my computer and my novel, which stands at a lowly 3000 words and tons of notes. Oh how decadent to live again alone, for me only, as I did for three glorious years in my early twenties.
A long way of saying "I'm with you Taff and Vesper!"
Amy

Taffiny said...

Amy,

Well now too much time has past no doubt for you to find it, but I was just looking over my November month, and found your comment.

It is hard isn't it. And when you finally get the time you need, you end up feeling guilty over it. I need lots of time alone. You know I don't think I have ever lived alone. Always had a roomate, or lived with family. I did get married at age 23, so that is part of it too. I am a person who need lots of time alone. I wonder what it would have been like if I had ever lived alone?

I am glad to know you are 3,000 word in, with tons of notes, keep going girl. I'm with you.

:)
Taff

by the bye,
I just saw Amy Grant on Oprah, and she does leave her family for bits of time (during the day, I assume) and go sit in an old cabin (with an outhouse!) and write.