Wednesday, July 11, 2007

not much going on

Saw Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix this morning (with Bob, Cheese, and my mom), went out to lunch (with Bob and Cheese), mini grocery shopping, and now am home and it is raining. Bob is about to watch some political thing on TV, some guy he doesn't like, so I am upstairs in my studio so I wont have to hear him carry on about it.

I started reading Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, though truth be told, I was more drawn in by the first paragraph of Tuck Everlasting, but I rented Balzac on DVD, and want to read much of it before I watch it, so it gets read before Tuck.

Research, I read about shintoism yesterday, and just started The Compassionate Buddha today. It has concentric circles on the back (like my story does). It will probably take me forever to read, as I am also reading and doing other things.

I still haven't read the library books I took out, actually I still haven't as much as opened them. They are diet, and cooking ones. I have to come up with some sort of idea and plan about what it is I am eating, and what I am cooking, for me and these two I live with. They still wont tell me what they want, they still wont give me a list, at grocery store they say "I don't know, I'm not hungry right now". At home they are forever asking me "what's for, breakfast, lunch, dinner?". I made several things yesterday (spaghetti, turkey burgers, several veg) and they didn't eat any of them (child ended up eating hot dogs, husband ate pretzels). I guess, I will just decide what it is I am doing, and make what I want, and they can get on board, or start being clearer about what the heck it is that they want.

Writing? Of course not. Don't be silly. Just because it is my dream, and greatest ambition to write a book, you don't expect that then I would spend anytime actually writing, do you? Honestly, some people, act that the only way to get something done is to do it.

tic toc tic tock tic

well I did buy more paper
and I watered a vole
and bagged a bunch of beetles
cleaned and organized the pantry, and started on fridge and freezer, watched Bread and Tulips.
and a world of matting and mulching still awaits.

And I saw the twigs left in the ash, just like pieces of bone. And I smelled the overripe earth, full to bursting, lush in the deep wet heat, till it turns and (festers, ferments, molds, mildews? I don't know the right word), decaying in on itself. I saw it all for Mikiyoshi. For him to finish his journey I too must take it, and also make my own, different but the same. I have not forgotten, I have not moved on. We are knee deep together in the trenches of dirt.


Vesper said...

You write so beautifully on your blog, with such strong images, and quite a lot, also. Forgive me for asking you this question: Why don't you focus this energy, this creativity onto your novel? Aren't you somehow, just maybe, trying to procrastinate?... All those things: the garden, the pantry, the cooking - I know they have to be done, but - and I speak from my own experience - sometimes they are just reasons not to do the "real", the most important work, and that is the writing.

Taffiny said...

I don't doubt that it is procrastination (except for the darn mulching, Husband is making me do that).
The garden is something I have in common with my main character, so I have taken lots of notes on it this year. (so that has been helpful for writing)

Thank you for encouraging words about writing on my blog. It is true I do write a bit too much on it, I see that. I don't know why I don't focus my energy better. It isn't that I don't want it, (to write) that I don't want to finish it, sometimes I feel how much I truly do want it, and it scares me.

I don't know? I know the only way to get it done is to walk directly toward it, and work on it everyday. But I am forever doing it indirectly, and trying to sneak up on getting it done. (moving forward so slowly)
I wish I was working toward it more boldy; I know wishing is not action.

So what does one do? When one realizes she is being all mushy, and meadering, when she needs to be solid and focused? My internal lecturer is busy with dirt, inside and outside of the house. How do I convince her, a world of words is the true work that needs to be done. (and the only thing I will regret not doing come tomorrow)?