Saturday, July 14, 2007
I wonder if you exist
Is that wrong? Is it wrong that I want you to exist even though I did not wait for you? Truth is, I lost faith early. No one I was ever interested in seemed interested in me. Even if such things as soulmates exist, I didn't think we would find each other. I didn't think I would find mine. I gave up the search, I married a good man I care about. Sometimes I think maybe he is the one after-all and I am just too stupid to realize it. I don't know, he is my partner at any rate. But still part of me can't help it, believing, hoping, in a romantic notion, that somewhere is a soul that sits so well with mine, fits so well with mine. A compatible sense of humor, a compatible being, laughter, a hand to hold (it all feeling right). Someone I am not afraid to tell my stories to. Someone I want to listen to. Eyes I don't want to look away from, I want to look deeper into. Eyes I want to look into mine.
I wonder if you waited, if you still look, and search, or if you too found a life to create without this element. A good life, just not the dream one falls in love with, around age 14. She will not grow up though, that 14 year old girl, no matter how I try, I can not pull her away from the window of wistful wishes, where she looks out, at blue skies and white clouds, or dark night and starlight, and forever dreams. Of you.