I can't figure out where mine is going?
It seems I keep losing it.
I know I am not currently losing it to the blogosphere because I can't seem to find time to go blog visiting.
And while I believe that aliens could in theory (if they exist) abduct people and make them lose time, I don't really believe that they do. (currently are, or that, that is my particular problem)
Cheese's grades have been slipping lately (he qualifies as gifted, so this is an attitude problem), and he has been getting extremely upset really easily (over nothing, all the time), plus his BF has (at least for the time being) friend dumped him, plus he has dumped his other chum, so he isn't really hanging out with anyone (except for me). So I have made a new rule, which is, when Cheese is home and not actively engaged elsewhere (in another activity in the house) I am to be available to him. Though I have stated this rule outloud to no one, ever since I decided this, the boy hasn't been actively engaged anywhere that is elsewhere, so it is all about joint activities now, mostly of his choosing. We make M&M versions of ourselves. We watch stuff on youtube, like pomeranian puppys playing, and some really weird unicorn named Charlie (which we will not be watching again). I have recently discovered that I am not cut out for playing Wii, as it frustrates the heck out of me, making me hostile (I yell at the little screen that I did so hit that tennis ball!), and for days later I am so sore I have trouble doing normal activites with my right arm (like putting shirts off and on. I get stuck). (I am very good at the bowling though. When I manage to release the ball at the right time, takes several do-overs till I do, but then is marvelous at knocking down pins). Cheese and I watch kids shows, and also food network, and travel channel together now. Et. cetera. We also spend a considerable amount of time each day, having a row over his needing to do his homework. Cheese- "you are ruining my day! Why?! Why must you be so mean?". (um because all those zeros on homework assignments and projects are pulling down your grade average). I am looking for other less technology related things, we can do together (I am considering cooking.) (Cheese wants a dog). When Bob is home, we play Apples to Apples.
So from 2:20 on, when I leave the house to go get him from school, it is now Cheese time.
Also Bob is sometimes (half the times) home during the day till 12 or 1 PM, we often run errands, and when we are at home he does things like, talk to me. I am currently really trying to respond in a way that is more wifely and less "why are you talking to me? Can't you see, I am trying to do something?"-y.
And my mom has been calling me, during the day, just about every day for over a week now. I am not sure why. I don't know if she thinks it would be better for me to talk to people more, so she is doing me a service, or if she just feels chatty, or like we should interact with each other more, so let's. It is not a bad thing, but I have trouble not talking on the phone long, no matter if I have anything to say or not, still I will go on and on saying nothing things.
And when I combine the above together, with the normal day to day, house up-keep stuff, and my slow moving mind and body, um I get the feeling that not much is getting done, and that I don't have any time.
I am really going to have to do an overhaul, and tightly schedule the time each day, that I do get to call "my time". I need to create a specific writing time. It wont be able to be a long period of time, but I will have to make it sacred, as in no matter what it happens (then even if Bob is home during that time, he will know, I wont be long). I think it will have to be first thing after I get back home, because day after day, the days just seem to be getting away from me.
*wow long post, well I know where some of today's time went.
6 comments:
A schedule sounds like a good thing.
Do you all like Apples to Apples? I've heard only good things about that game and have been meaning to buy it.
Paul,
Yes, a schedule, for my disorganized time, and disorganized mind.
Yeah, I like it fine.
I dread admitting this, as makes me sound like a total dud, but I do not really enjoy playing any games (or watching them, as in sports).
Bob and Cheese really seem to enjoy playing it, so best to go by them.
I think you should set up a daily target, a certain number of words for instance, but not an absurd one - 500?. Then, sit down at your computer and write that first, do not turn on the TV, let the answering machine take the calls, forget the blogs, do not get on the Internet before you reach your target. I know it's very difficult and that it requires a huge discipline, but I'm sure you'll feel much better once you do it. That's what I would do if I had the luxury of organising at least a part of my day...
And let Cheese watch some TV alone, or read, or do his homework... It's very nice that you're doing a lot of things together, but this feeling that time is slipping away from you will become overwhelming. I know, because I have it myself.
:-)
Vesper,
I know you are right, and every night I resolve I will do just that the next day, and then I don't, because I am an idiot, is the only excuse I can find.
I am not sure about the Cheese thing, he definitely needs more attention than I was giving him before, something I was a bit unprepared for, since he was seeking to do things more on his own for awhile, then suddenly REVERSE.
The thing that amazes me though, and what you seem to be eluding to, is...no matter how much attention I give, the bucket doesn't seem to fill and overflow, nah, more more more, is more like it. I am doing all sorts of board games, and joint TV, and internet activites, yada yada, and he still will come into the bathroom to talk to me while I am in the shower, or when brushing my teeth. Still greet me on weekend mornings by sitting on my bed and talking to me. Still talk to me while I am trying to hear some other family member on the phone. And I still have to shoo him off to bed, no matter how late, so I can put on my PJ's and go to bed myself.
I am letting him go on the internet by himself, upstairs, right now for he asked to. And since he had a half day today, after a weekend off, I am seriously needing a bit of alone time. Plus it is some exercise for him, as he walks down the stairs every 5 minutes to tell me what he just saw/read. (then back up stairs again, then down, then up, then down)
I think that you have a wonderful relationship with your son and this is something you should cherish and encourage because very soon he'll grow up and he won't seek you anymore. But when he's at school, you still have a few hours that you could organise to better suit your soul... The first part of what I wrote in my previous comment still applies... :-)
Time?
I can't figure out where mine is going?
It seems I keep losing it.
I really, really like this part, especially because "I keep losing it" could refer to time ... or to a feeling of "losing it" ... meaning, I'm not myself these days.
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