Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I have to remind myself
over and over
to just be where I am.
I keep starting, but then jumping away from the writing.
I am a bit stuck, I don't know what I am doing. I don't know how I am going to do this part.
It is odd, as I have the boards, which form a vague sort of outline, I know the points that need to be touched upon, I know what will happen, but still I don't know how I will get there, from here, and here. How will they all be woven together? How, where, when, does each strand get woven in to create the whole? I keep freaking out, running away from the words, away from the story.
I have to keep reminding myself, I only need to see this moment. Be in the present moment in the story, and describe it, and walk through it, and then when I get to the next one, do the next one. I can't keep going on unnerving myself by wondering about several steps ahead, or a page ahead or even a paragraph ahead of where I am. I need to be calm and centered, and center on just this one piece, and move from piece to piece, strand to strand, stepping stones, through, across the story. After I am done the rough draft I can go back, I can move words, and ideas, and weave better, now I just need to move, from one moment to the next. I only need to hold one strand at a time. I only need to see the moment I am in.
I only need to see the moment I am in.
"Do you know where Mikiyoshi is right now? Do you know what he is doing?"
All I ask of you is to go there,
sit with him,
feel those keys in your hands.
Can you do that?"
"of course. I was there earlier today.
Before I fled."
"Go back sit beside him. Perhaps you need to wait, to sit still and listen. To wait like you always keep him waiting. To hear his breathing, as he kneels bent on the floor.
The candle is lit, the offering is made, you both wish to turn the key in the lock. All you have to do is keep your eyes open"