Friday, May 11, 2007

the story already told

Sometimes I get so excited when I see things or hear things that remind me of my story. It feels validating that there is something in it, to it, others see these images, feel these things too. Othertimes, I feel robbed, like all I have to offer, is being given by someone else. Then, what is there in me, to bring? It surprises me that I can feel this way, this sort of jealousy, over a story that I hide from, that I procrastinate doing. Basically, over the fact, that others have done, what I leave undone. I can't justify it, but this is sometimes how I feel. It has already been told. And also, someone will tell it, not all, but swaths of it, before I do. Someone who can write, someone with talent, someone better than me.

My ideas, mine, I can't claim other things, not abilities, I have ideas, if others have the same ideas, what do I have?

What is the point? Why should I struggle with myself, with these ideas, with words, when the same idea has already been told? Why bother? (I don't feel relief in the notion of giving up the struggle. It makes me really sad). There are only so many stories (plots), and the same ones are told over and over again. (I remember learning this in school. I, of course, don't remember what they are). So, I am not to try and tell a new story, a story untold, in any way, in any parts, that is not the value of it, that isn't the purpose in telling a story. The same stories, sorts of stories, ideas, are told over and over again, through the years, poured into and out of different people, carrying different voices. Because not only do we like to hear them again and again, but we need to. And no single writer, no matter how gifted, could tell everyone, every story they need to be told. (need is a bit strong of a word here, but I'm not tracking down a different word to use. I don't feel like it). We need many voices (okay bible, just came to mind, but even that, considered of one voice in origin, had different writers, and also different ways of saying the same thing.) Because what you might not take in when being presented it one way, you may in another, and each way builds on the other, creating it (giving it more solidness of form), and pulling it deeper within you. Making it more a part.

What I have to bring is my version of the story, and I am the only one who will see it, just the way that I do, use those exact words, (imagery, scenes, characters) to bring it to life. And maybe the way that I will write it, will be the way someone needs to read it, in order to take in the meaning. (and I am sure that is true, for at the very least, if there aren't any others, that person is me). The meaning will not be new, but my way of telling it, showing it, would be.

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