Tuesday, May 29, 2007

20 pages

I haven't been working on my story. I've been planting and weeding, going to nurseries, and looking at roses online, and having fits that what I want is no longer available because I waited too long (one day the sites said till end of May, then when I went to order, one said no longer taking orders, the other waiting till I gave order and info, then said it was too late). But while I do these things, I have kept my eyes and heart, and ears open to my characters and their story, and to details of my life that might over-lap with theirs, I have looked more closely at what I am doing, and seeing, and hearing, to find if I could see into them, through it. And I have. I sat down this evening to type up my notebook notes, bits and pieces of story, and was surprised to find 20 pages to type. Which is pretty darn good for not working on it.

( :) of course having discovered that after typing up two pages, I came here to blog it, rather than finishing typing it up first)

I think, Bob thinks, he gave me a pep talk today. It totally sucked. We were in car, going to get Cheese from school. I was talking to him about something I found while digging a hole in his evergreen bed, to plant my broom ( scotch broom, not floor), and how this item had spun itself into a story while I dug, it involved our neighbors, and another country, and I wasn't trying to think about it, but it just went on anyway (had to stop a few times to write stuff down). And I asked him, if he thought that happened to most people, or if it meant, maybe there was, is, something inherently writer-ish in me? Bob got mad. Bob went off with tone, saying I knew the answer to the question. "Would your sister-in-law, be thinking about that after finding such an item in her planting bed? Would your Mom? " (then he did funny imitations of both of them finding this item) " No, they wouldn't. You are a writer. Alright!? Just write already. Stop being so scared of everything. What is there to be scared of, but pushing up daisies one day?! What are you afraid of? Do you think these people are better than you? Have something you don't? That guy in that truck, you think he is better than you?". Me- "Are you trying to be encouraging? Because you aren't. This doesn't motivate me, acting like I am an idiot, yelling at me, it makes me want to turtle". Bob- "All you do is turtle, I want to give you a swift kick in the butt, so you get some courage and do it". Me- "Giving me a kick in the pants doesn't give me courage". It really doesn't. If he could have answered softly and sincerely, I could have believed him, at least believed that he believed, and I could have taken courage, and reassurance in that. But all I felt was anger, and frustration with me, and my lacking. I already have those items in my tool belt.

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