Friday, April 6, 2007

"yeah, I guess we should visit some New England shore spots."

The DH just said. Finally. I have been asking to, for at least the past two years. The request has been met, with as much enthusiasm as if I had said "hey, lets spend the weekend picking up trash off the side of the road". Why his change of heart? The food network (or possibly the travel channel), was showing a clambake (in Cape Cod). So at least now, I know how to angle my pitch when the warm weather comes.

I have had a surprisingly hard time, getting these people (a.k.a. husband and son) to go on day trips, or stop along the way of looonnng road trips, to different shore locales. Last year I did manage after much wheedling to get them to go to Cape May. My Husband made fun of my interest in going, insisted I wouldn't like it and it would be a waste of time. (I couldn't help but be in awe of the fact that I married this person voluntarily, no one made me, I chose him, and chose to do it. Why, was that again? There are plenty of other people in the world, surely I could have found one other person sucker enough to do it). One year he just strung me along, agreeing, but always, not this week. I was only asking to see it, not go over-night or anything. Cape May is about 20 minutes south of the place where we take our yearly vacation, and where we go on daytrips, or one night over night trips, through-out the summer. So finally last summer he agreed to go. Oh, did they carry on, what a car trip. So much griping. The kid in the backseat sounded like he was being tortured. I am surprised he could look up long enough from his DS video games, to complain so frequently. Oh and they joined each other, in happy chorus, of how nutty I was "but she just has to go". The ride felt long.

Everything was a struggle. There was plenty of attitude. Where are the victorian homes? Eventually we made it to the boardwalk type of area, and were walking along. Husband at least was quieter. The son, not so much, he walked on so slowly, heel of one foot, going down by toes of the other. Verbally we dragged him along. He sounded like the oldest, grumpiest man ever, " I can not believe you are doing this to me! Taking me away from the house, and my room. From video games, and air conditioning, and TV, my beanbag chair; I miss my bean bag chair. Why? Why would you do this to me??? What did I do to you? Why are you ruining my summer?". I tried to block him out, tried to block them both out, and have a good time, but it was fairly impossible. The husband had switched over his frustration now, and was presently annoyed with our son's negative attitude and inability to walk at a speed that was greater than standing still. So on we went, looking in stores, and moving very slowly. I of course, had to pee, but couldn't find a bathroom.

(-it is so hard to focus and type this right now, everyone is upstairs, we are all in different rooms, but we all have our doors open. The son is playing xbox 360, DH on his computer in 'game room', and I am on mine in my studio. So the DH is sharing all his passing thoughts. Example, Sears is having a sale on tractors, he thinks he will use our tax refund money and go buy one, he would rather have a new computer, but the tractor will have the greater impact for making his life better. These jellyfish pictures are pretty good. Dave's girlfriend got sick in Texas. yada yada. The son comes in the room to tell me how much different pinatas cost, and how he will earn the money to get them-)

I would have had a much better time, if I could have interested them in one of my favorite games "what is around that corner, what is over that hill, what does that look like over there?- let's go see", but they didn't want to play. When we got to the end of the boardwalk thing (promenade?), we went on the beach. The son's whining pitch hit new heights. "You like the beach!", I nearly screamed. I was getting so annoyed now, the child loves the beach and the ocean. I mean seriously what gives? I walked on a bit, and sat in the sand waiting for them to catch up. I told my DH it was nice here, but that I like our usual place better, it feels like home. He said I told you so, I said yeah, but now I saw it, and that was what I wanted, and it is good to know we like where we usually go best. Our son wandered around the shore line. I was emotionally worn out, and still had to pee. We decided it was time to go. The child was upset, he was currently picking up little rocks, or shells, and didn't want to leave at all. "Now that there is finally something good to do, now you want to go!". I pointed out to him that if he walked in a forward going movement we would have been on the beach an hour earlier. We stayed about 40 more minutes. We drove around a bit in our car, and then we drove the 20 minutes to O.C. N.J. a place that feels like home, and a place where I know where the bathrooms are. (oh and on the way home, the boys decided, Cape May was pretty nice, and they wouldn't mind going sometime again)

And that was our trip to Cape May.

I have had similiar difficulites with getting them to stop at shore points, when we have driven to Florida. Different places in North and South Carolina, and one year Sarasota. Oh the aggravation, the wheedling, the whinoceros-ing, the bullying, I had to do. But we did go. And they did have a good time, and afterward, my DH would go on and on about how glad he was that he had stopped there, and how good it is to see new places, and basically act like it was all his idea. (which would be fine with me, great, if only that meant that the next time I wanted to go, I wouldn't have to do this whole song and dance routine to make it happen. I am all tired and worn out from the struggle of getting them to go, by the time we actually get anywhere).

Ditto the cross country trip. We were going to San Deigo, CA. He wanted to fly. I don't currently fly. (plus we needed a car and our stuff anyway, he had taken a job out there, we were most likely moving). I pitched it as the great american road trip. Something every family needs to do, at some point. He hated the idea. I said we should get books, and stop at all the cheesy places, biggest ball of yarn, and eat at the dives, that have the good food, that you always see on the food network (et cetera). Finally he agreed, because he didn't want to spend the money on the plane tickets, and then have me refuse to get on the plane (yes, that did happen once before), though not before first trying to go without us, saying he would send for us later. I pointed out here, that I still would not be getting on a plane. Did he want our son and I to travel cross counry alone? The answer was no, so a road trip it was. You should hear him now, about 2 1/2 years later, going on about how great it was, and how glad he is that we did it. Ugh. The thing is though, because of his bad attitude at the time, we didn't get the books, and we didn't go to all the quirky places. We did go to the cadilac graveyard thing in Texas, but that was it, and we ate fast food. (my son looked like a pumpkin by the time we got to CA. And I realized I had to put my foot down, and explain to my husband that our son was not hungry every twenty minutes, he was bored.) Oh, we did stop in Sante Fe, and go to the Grand Canyon, and Las Vegas. But I had to carry on and beg and beg, and push, and so what it is raining, we are so close, let's go, and then we only could stay for a short amount of time. And now, I have to listen to him say, how he wants to go to these places, "You know I would really like to go to the Grand Canyon again, and how about Vegas?". And I just want to scream, if only you would have let us really go and explore these places when we were there, it would have been so great, that was what I wanted. And he knows damn it all, that I don't fly, and just how the heck are we supposed to get there again, unless he takes a lot of time off from work. And if I go through the nervous breakdown of attempting to fly, it will be for clear blue water and beaches, not any sort of desert landscape.

On the way back home. Why didn't we stay? That is another story, for another day, but the DH still drives me crazy, saying we should move to CA. He says this, about every two or three months (he is heavy on this kick right now). But my Son and I didn't want to leave CA, we begged to stay for one more month, it was the DH's idea, to come home (actually he suggested just sending us back, which made me furious), so, I don't say much when he goes on about it now. I have told him, if he wants to go, this time he can go on ahead of us, and if he happens to at some point, make up his mind, then yeah, we will sell the house, and go join him. I can't become emotionally vested in it at all. Plus it messes me up, with my gardening and our house stuff, half here, half there. I don't want to play this game. I am thinking we live here, we are here, and it would take a lot now for me to believe he is serious about any ideas he may talk on and on about. (He flys out twice a year to visit a friend out there and go skateboarding, et cetera. He likes to say, " I would take you, but you don't fly". I'm not sure I believe him)

Anyway, on the way back home. I had to talk him into going to Disney Land. He just wanted to start driving home. Again, me whining, and wheedling, on and on, at least this time our son was on my side, and joined me. They had the best time. We stayed over so they could go to the CA themed one the next day, I had to agree not to go, to save money, so that he would agree to it. ( I don't go on rides, so this was no sacrifice). They left me in Donwtown Disney, I bought over-priced, natural face soap, spent a lot of time in a book store ( I can still remember the books I picked up and read the backs of), and then I went to the movies. My DH and son had a wonderful time. I don't know why it was so hard to get my DH to agree to go.

Now he complains about all the places my son and I went without him on that trip, while he was working. I spent about a week in the house, no car, son and I trapped, than I started to get uppity, and demanded wheels. So the son and I went to the San Diego Zoo, and balboa park (museums), and to Lego Land, and Scripps aquarium, and to all these different beaches. I did manage to get DH to go to Sea World. It is only in retrospect that his voice takes on regret, about what he didn't do. (while there, he worked, and went skateboarding with his friend)

So again, my point is, it is really amazing that the DH has voluntarily expressed an interest in going to shore points, in the New England states. Now if only I can find some angle for getting the son on board. I am not that much into the middle of the country, it is nice, just for vacationing I'm more of a shore person. It is one of my things, I want to go up and down both coasts- Maine to the Keys- Washington to Baja. So, there is more hope now, that "someday" it will happen.

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