During week, washing dishes, Husband keeps saying "come here, look at this", stuff on TV, I come over, it is Bobby Flay, "Look at that steak. Doesn't it look great? He has a restaurant in..". "That's nice" I say "but why should I be interested unless I might at some point actually get to eat the food. Why point it out to me unless we are going to go". And I went back to the dishes, then he says "Hey I could call up my friend in NY and we could go together". Me- "You mean without me?" He- "yeah", me-"why would you say all that and then say you are going to go without me?". He "why would I take you? You would just be miserable, first I would have to get you on the bus, I don't like buses, then drag you around the city all day, where's the bathroom? Then you wouldn't like the food and it would be expensive and, my stomach the stabbing pain in my stomach! You wouldn't have a good time.". Rude, rude man. I reiterate, why mention it to me, if he isn't going to take me.
Saturday I actually did some research, it was almost accidental, I was looking up other stuff online, and decided to look up Douc Langurs when I was done, just so I wouldn't feel so bad about spending my time in pointless ways. I found useful information, two pieces that I really needed (hadn't found when intentionally researching topic), and also a different way to approach the scene. So I am happy about that.
Saturday, got in a bit of a fight with Husband over food. Strawberries. I asked if he had any $ ,said I wanted to go buy strawberries, he said "no" (no money and you don't need them). I said the pineapple wasn't going over well, and I thought the strawberries would be better. He said I should stop babying my stomach, and toughen up. I said I needed a base, he said, eat yogurt, or toast. I said yogurt sounded awful, and that I can't eat bread first thing, it hurts. Then we went back and forth a bit about what was and what wasn't a base for one's stomach. He then said I should cut up bananas into really small mushy pieces like someone would for a baby, or why not just eat baby food. Then a minute later, he said "oh, will you make me something and pack it up for lunch?". Yeah I thought, how about some mushy bananas, and a side of baby food on toast. But I did do it, made him a real lunch.
Sunday, I was getting depressed about food. In the past month, I have eaten, about 11 avocados (two bags of chips, not keeping track of sour cream on purpose, I'm currently on fourth bunch of cilantro, ditto basil). At least 6 containers of the salsa (I am on my third gorcery store that carries it, the other two are now out), 6 jars of that pasta sauce, 4 or 5 boxes of Pav Bhaji, and different kinds of veg, et cetera, (as well as attempts at eating this and that, which I tend to regret later). In the past 7 days, I have eaten 4 or 5 of these spinach feta sandwich pocket Amy's things. I am getting tired of this stuff, but I don't want anything else either. Yesterday there wasn't anything I wanted to eat. I ate half a package of soy ginger carrots, mixed in asparagus, it was pretty good, but then nothing was of interest. I am a person who likes food, I look forward to eating. What the H is going on? Last week I got just one of this and one of that, at Wegman's asian bar, I liked one thing (the squash in this yellow curry), I didn't like any of the fried chicken stuff. I feel like I've been taken over by aliens, who the heck is this? Where am I? I hated the oreo, didn't like the nutter butter, the healtier version of cookies are kind of wierd but I prefer their taste to the junky ones. A lot of stuff is yuck, and the rest is eh..it's okay, I can eat it. Why aren't things appealing?
Today, for breakfast, I had strawberries, oddly I didn't like them, they were too hard and not sweet, and I had to take little bites or I felt like I would gag ( I cut them up, I added sugar, I tried to make them mushy. I trudged through them. I mean, what a horrible thing to say and feel about strawberries). For Linner, or Dunch I had an avocado, sour cream, container of mango peach salsa, lots of cilantro, some tortilla corn chips (that went well,which was good, since I couldn't tolerate eating it on Sunday, but still it isn't a healthy choice),then half a cup of leftover ginger carrot stuff. For dessert I had half a large "healthy" oatmeal cookie (wasn't of interest), and ate the chocolate chips out of three little cookies (which is wrong I know, but hey, they are my cookies). Oh and I had some pineapple tidbits (4 maybe), which is just the same as eating pure sugar I am sure (they were alright). The majority of my calories are coming from fat. (with a side of sugar)
I bought different kinds of Indian foods ( I know that I like the paneer okay, the others, who knows), and some frozen Amy's and Cedar lane things, I'm just not very motivated to make or eat them, but I will try and make myself do it tomorrow, as I should find some other things I want to eat, chips and guacamole are not meant to be staples. I would like to go to Red Robins, I like to get the 5 alarm burger there and have them substitute tuna steak for the burger. This is something I used to eat, and enjoy, I am hoping it will be like a magical reset, and I will go back to the way I was. I would force the issue, or just go and get it myself, but... What if I don't like it? What if I can't eat it? I don't see how I wont be depressed if that is what happens.
I mean the thing is, that rude man is right, I would be a pain in the a** to drag all over the city, and maybe I wouldn't be able to eat the food, but right now is rather a sucky time to be pointing that out to me.
The husband did say yesterday that I should buy frozen strawberries, so I wouldn't have to worry about running out of them. I am glad that he has decided not to continue to give me a bad time about it, but I hope I can find something else to eat for breakfast. Something that I enjoy.
My Dad thinks I should go to a doctor since this does seem to be affecting my life. I don't think anything is wrong, and hate tests; I keep waiting to wake up one day, and be like, normal again; I still expect that to happen, it's just a question of when. I would be concerned if I was losing weight, well after I lost 10 pounds I would be concerned if I lost more weight, but I have only lost a couple of pounds and I think that was from excercising, and anyway I needed to lose that weight. Actually I need to lose 5 more pounds. Sort of a bummer to not be having fun with food, and to not be down with weight, but I must be eating calorically dense foods.