Monday, March 12, 2007

a bit of opposite

In honor, of the bad mood I had earlier today, I decided I would put something opposite on here. I was in car- driving, late February. And I was struck by the light behind the trees, and these are the thoughts that followed, unusual because I do not like winter, because of the cold, and the often grey, but this scene was filled with color, though played on a backdrop of white (snow), and I wrote this down while I drove. I don't reccommend doing that, but as things sometimes do, it kept repeating itself until I did write it down.

burst open my heart
explode it all apart
of everything else it becomes a part
like pollock's paint in pop art
of all this beauty
let me be a part

because it hums and sings
and I want to hum and sing too
what I feel through me
let me be felt through

*There is a slightly different first part-

burst open my heart
explode it all apart
splashes everywhere
like Pollock's painting, Art
of all this beauty
let me be a part.

because it hums and sings
and I want to hum and sing too
what I feel through me
let me be felt through.

I freely admit I am not a poet, but I like it anyway, I am not to fuss with it, try and fix it, make it better, it says as I feel, or as I felt, looking at the light in the sky behind the treetops that day, and that is all I shall ask of it. What else would I ask? I think I prefer the second version, and then there is the question of a line in parenthesis on my paper,
of all this beauty,
(around me, (I see)
- let me be a part.
I don't know whether to include it or not.

I was surprised by how strongly I felt it. Other words over to the side of the page say "fling it", as in flinging bits of my heart in splashes over everything, like splattered paint it would be all over the snow, and the sky, and the trees. And like impressionism all the lines would be blurred, the color of the tree in the sky, the color of the sky in the tree, the fields the snow, all the colors echo, I would be in it all, and it would all be in me. Too much rhyme, and bad rhyme, I am a frequent perpetrator of just such crimes. (and I can live with that, just fine). It is a harmless way to annoy one's children. I don't know why I would have such a liking for over-rhyme, or bad puns, or words that sound alike- peony ponies- pictures of pitchers-pieces of peace-
allright go to bed!
I have no intention of being me tomorrow if I'm going to be all grumpy.
Which reminds me. You know what is cool about being in a family?
You end up saying the ridiculous sayings of each other
When my Husband is grumpy I call him Grumpelstiltskin, and when my son is acting grumpy-rude I say -stop being such a grumplefish. Why? I have no idea, it is sort of strange. And I have noticed lately my Husband has incorporated these words into his vocabulary. I sort of like it, having my nonsensical sayings in sentences. It was also really cute to hear my niece say the one day "call him a grumpy fish again Aunt Ya ya.". And I know I pick up all sorts of things they say unawares. You become like your own microcosm, with your own culture, own language, own food. We all watch Naruto now, we talk a certain way because we do, certain concepts, and phrases, and creatures, are a part of our current family culture.
Oh, time didn't stop while I was writing. How odd? Oh and I didn't floss yet either, darn it.

by the bye,
the time is after 12, I don't go to bed at 7

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