Saturday, December 29, 2007

7 of 7 radom things about me

Number of lovers I have had?

number of people I have had any sort of sexual relations with?

number of people I have kissed?
(ignoring family kisses on cheeks)
(and going all the way back to include middle school)

this one isn't counted
In high school, out at a club with my BF and her other friends, waiting for someone's mom to come pick us up, I was randomly kissed on the forehead by a very tall, muscular, mentally challenged, african american guy, who obviously liked to go dancing. This confused me so I asked my mom about it the next morning, wondering why he would do that, and why me, if it was something about my body language or....? My mom went off yelling at me "How could you let someone do that! You let him do that on purpose. You are just telling me this to drive me crazy!" yada yada. The only thing I learned was not to tell my mom stuff. My concern was that someone had violated my boundaries (why?), while my mom's focus seemed to be about him not being caucasian. (I've blocked out most of what she said, but I remember the theme of it quite well.)

number of people I have dated?

Perhaps we could get that number up to 4 if we include my prom date, but then again we should take off one of those boys I kissed, because I quickly realized he wasn't really dating me, so I stopped kissing him.

so 3

I did meet my now husband and start dating him shortly before my 18th birthday. I would like to think my dating numbers would be higher if I hadn't been with him. But I did go away to college, and my college BF and I (and her other friends) went out to clubs, and bars, and just out and about, and no one really tried to ask me out. I was called the "cold one" on two separate occasions, so my allure was clearly a combo platter of personality and looks.
It is shockingly simple to stop a college aged guy cold in his tracks at a bar, you say the word "sprite", when he says "what would you like to drink?". I wasn't trying to dump cold water on them and have them flee, but they acted like I did just that. Gee nowadays I would say orange juice, or water. I bet that would have the same effect on older guys.

I should have gone to a coed college. Then at least I would have higher, "how many times have you talked to a guy?" numbers.

There you have it, my many romantic escapades.
Actually I like that the answers to question one and two, are both 1.
But I think it would have been better if I could have dated more, kissed more princes and frogs.
Or it would be wonderful if I was terribly romantic, and felt my husband was my one great true love, and thus had no interest in ever even holding hands in my lifetime with any hand but his.
And perhaps I could feel that way, but thus far, I don't.


Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

You sound like maybe you missed out on a little bit of gaining experience when it comes to the opposite gender. I found that dating - and being married and divorced - really helped me get it straight about what I wanted in and expected from a relationship.

But you know, I'm not sure that we often find our one great true love - and often even if we do, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship will work. I met my "grande passione" when I was nearly eighteen. I was head over heels in love with him for years but the relationship itself only lasted about 2 years because I wasn't his grand passion - she (his grand passion) came along while we were still together - and that lasted 2 years as well because he wasn't her grand passion. It seems to go like that, ironic, isn't it?

I knew my husband wasn't my great love and I knew I wasn't his, so I suppose it was no surprise that we ended up divorced 10 years later.

Now though I find myself in a relationship which leaves me wanting for nothing. It's not that kind of grand passion that makes for a romantic novel (and I suspect those are one-sided dreams on the author's part anyway) - it's something very much better - more lasting, more committed, more rooted. And I guess, having gained some romantic experience out there, by kissing a fair number of toads :-) I know just how very good this relationship is, and how to value it.

Taffiny said...


Thanks for sharing your experiences and insights.

I'm thinking over your, one person is usually more into the other thing.

I am glad you made it through the toads, to a prince you can value, not grande passione but a wonderful kind of love.

witnessing am i said...

This made me smile (I hope you don't mind).

I was very limited in my experience as well, before I met my wife, but I don't think that changes anything. Yes, perhaps there were more lips to kiss but quality and quantity are often at odds. I think Ms. Absolute Vanilla hit it on the head in that experience is more about revealing "us" than it is about the experience. It doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you do.

Happy New Year, Ms Taffiny.

Taffiny said...


Well I suppose it depends upon why it made you smile. But as I don't mind making fun of me, and I like the idea of your smiling, let's never mind the details.

Well that is sort of the trouble though, I think if I had kissed (oh no need to kiss them. Dated, if I had dated) more toads, I would know more, that the man beside me is my prince (value him more, know me more, and what sort of person is really the sort of person that is a good match). I don't think of him as my prince, I think of him more as, the only one who was willing, who was interested. But I suppose the only man willing to stand beside a girl (really truly stand beside her), would thus, be that girl's prince.

Happy New Year, to you, Mr. David. :)