Wednesday, December 19, 2007


this post may not stay up, as it very well shouldn't, but you don't really want to read the other posts that were contenders for today either.

This is what I did this morning, I had a gift cert from last Christmas for Victoria Secrets and thought it would lose price value after the year mark. At the store, I asked, and their cards hold their value, not decreasing monthly after a year, the way some do. I really wish I had known this before I went, for underwear shopping was not a festive pick-me-up, um no, instead it was a bummer.
As I walked around looking at the styles, I noticed all these new (new to me) underwear shapes and cuts, so I had no idea what to buy. This made me feel really old and out of touch, with what is in, and what is considered attractive. Since I didn't know these shapes, I had to try stuff on. Which was extremely unpleasant as it confirmed that I am old, way way old and not at all firm. Truth be told looking at me bum in them was an extreme bummer. I think you actually need to be cut to wear all those new cuts, and my body and I couldn't cut it. Facing such an unsightly creature in the mirror, I consoled myself by saying "These clothes are not meant for people over 25, especially those who have had kids" (with the noted exception of some evil super models).

By the time I was done, I did not feel like this was a nice gift my sister-in-law had given me, no not at all, I felt it very mean of her indeed. Next time I should just buy Pj's, I love pajamas. All nice and cozy.

If a pair of pj's has cute pictures and colors then it is cute, you look cuddly and bunchy in it, like a build a bear in clothes. Huggable regardless of how much fluff you are stuffed with. Unlike with bras, panties, (and swimwear) where items might look very pretty, and cute, "look at the lovely embroidered flowers" and then you put it on, and it is a horror show.

But sadly I actually needed undergarments.

I then happened into Macy's and their one day sale, and bought more undies. (hopefully saving me from having to repeat this task for a long time to come. I didn't feel old at Macy's. Thank you Macy's.)

Why the picture (you may very well ask. if you have made it this far)?
Because I am a thong person. (for about the past 5-6 years)
They are more comfortable.
I find them seemly and not seamly. I hate seeing seams, and panty lines.
And because they are smaller. A lot smaller!
Which brings us to the photo, both the same size underwear.
Cheese walked by while I was taking the photo and said "What are you doing with that huge pair of underwear!" "It is my size" I replied matter of factly. "No way. Wow." he said with great glee ( I imagine him thinking of "my mama is so fat.." jokes. rather than "your mama is so fat.." jokes). Yes, apparently regular undies= me enormous, where as thongs are ever so much kinder ("tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies". Yes, perhaps those gianormous regular undies will have to go back.

Oh and now I need to be taking shelves out of refrigerator and cleaning them. But since after the underwear fun, I spent much time outside scrapping slush and ice off driveway, I wish a more pleasant task stood before me.
Bit of an odd day.
Just got up and tried to walk, apparently back is upset about the whole shoveling driveway thing. Yes indeed I feel old today.


Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh poor Tiff, I empathise! The thing or the thong, what a choice. Did you try any of those that look like tiny shorts. They really are the very pits and do neither bum nor thighs nor tum a favour!

However, I cannot believe for one moment that you are old. You are, I am sure, certainly not as old as me. And you may yet find that as you advance towards dotage you will learn to ignore the saggy bits, the wobbly bits and the bits that insist that they are orange peel. It's either that or all over body surgery - or life in a paper bag forever! And I don't know about you but I'm yet to be convinced that a paper bag offers any style!

Vesper said...

I had to smile reading this (don't be mad at me!) - and, please, don't remove this lovely post!
Also, please, don't ask those mirrors for advice anymore - you are not old!

Taffiny said...


Oh goodness, those tiny "boy" short style undies are hideous on me! I do not know what body shape they flatter, but it sure the heck is not mine. I felt I should burn them just for making me feel so badly, about myself, on principle they need to be turned to ash. They make all parts look worse.

Well I don't actually consider 37 old (though 38 is fast approaching), but I do at times feel OLD.

Well I can ignore "it" for now, as long as I am in dim lighting :).
I think, heck I know, I need to start working out again, and at least do some floor exercises. Bah.
I would look better with surgery but am too scared of anesthesia, plus it would cost too much money, and Bob is very against cosmetic surgery.

No bags, till they start making them in pale pink. But I am realizing tis better to wear more clothes, if I want to be remotely appealing, rather than less.


I only asked the mirror which styles would go best, they voluntarily ( and with mean force) gave me commentary on my entire body. Believe me I hadn't asked them for that.

Lovely post? It certainly is not, but am glad you said you think so, as I felt I must certainly remove it before putting up any roar for powerful words award.

kyklops said...

These days I wear everything so loose and baggy I'm often mistaken for a retired rapper.
Er, what were we talking about again...?

Taffiny said...


Why retired?

I think maybe there needs to be an older generation of rappers, you know talking about different sorts of issues. Maybe you could be some big hit in Japan. :)

Sadly wearing things all big and loose only looks good on really skinny women (seems to look perfectly fine on all shapes and sizes of men), so they look like they are so thin there are no clothes to fit them. On the rest of us, it just adds poundage, and I get all I need without visually adding more.

You guys really luck out when it comes to what you wear and what you look good in. I look at my little swimming suit, and then over at Bob's swim trunks that go way past his knees and his big ol' baggy t-shrit. Ugh it is just not fair. You all should have to wear speedos, and we should get to wear things that go to..just above the knee.
Of course the problem with that is most of us don't want to see, the male populace in speedos.