Monday, December 10, 2007

#3 of 7 Random things about me

Bit strange, feels disjointed to go back to this fluff after tribute post, but I feel the need for silly.

I'll explain photo at end of post*

3. I have imaginary boyfriends. Always have. Well for sure since age 14. And I think I always will. They aren't made-up people. When I was younger, I used to crush on boys in my classes, then when I went to an all-girl college, they became guys from TV. I met my now husband just before I turned 18, meeting and later marrying him has had no effect on my having imaginary boyfriends, except for guilt at times.
The longest I stuck with one was 5 years. Usually I go a little over a year with each one. I either then find someone new of interest, or try to, because I don't think such a fantasy life should stretch out for too long. Sometimes I feel bad for the guys I have chosen, like do guys mind being a woman's imaginary Ken doll in this way? The plotlines, are mostly the same as they were when I was 14, true-love, dramatic misunderstandings, with an aim toward marriage and kids. I always restart a new plotline before I actually have to deal with the sleepless nights from crying babies. After-all it is fantasy life, not a virtual one :)

I am between imaginary boyfriends right now, which is far from ideal. I sleep better when I am working on a cheesy running plot-line. All my years of insomnia that was the only way I ever fell asleep, and it still is, I have to have a story, and I daydream pieces of it each night, until I fall asleep. No story, no sleep. Over the years the stories have changed a bit though, when I was young, they were about a horse, now they are about a man. (clairify- I was the horse then, as were the other characters. I date the man now, no horses involved.)

I am using someone temporarily as filler, but he isn't working out very ideally. He isn't on TV, and I need certain markers to ground a good obsession in. But I just don't see anyone on TV who is of interest right now. And I am so tired of crushing on gay men. I mean any man on TV no matter how goofy he may seem, is able to get model pretty women/girls. So it is already a stretch of the imagination to have pretend relationships with them, but when you add in he doesn't even date people of my gender, then that is just stretching, even a fantasy life, too far. "Snap!". I mean if I am the last woman on earth, I want to hold out some hope that I may get my dream man, over some well waxed pretty boy.

Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Russel Crow, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe, none of them interest me, nor do any of the younger gen of media men. No Timberlake, no Bloom. No Mc- anything. Ugh, I don't know. I hope I find someone soon. I understand it being hard to find the right real man, but honestly it should be easy to find an ideal imaginary one.

But in the meantime, I keep going back and forth between my new temporary imaginary boyfriend (we keep trying to date but it doesn't seem to be working out) and one of my ex-imaginary boyfriends (it is so easy to fall back with him, but our relationship has far exceeded the time limit, and he is most likely gay. So really I should move on. Plus I don't want to go back to watching the show that he is on). I am very uncomfortable with this hop scotching around between the two of them, while also looking about for someone new, true-love plotlines, don't include being fickle! I feel like a hussy.
I need to find my one imaginary love for 2008. Where art thou?

*Closest I got as of late to finding new man, was falling for an outfit Ned wore on Pushing Daisies. He had on dark converse or vans sneakers, jeans (or so I thought), t-shirt, and an unbuttoned cardigan. yeah, I really liked the outfit. I couldn't find a photo of it though, this was the best I could do. And I like pie.

7 comments:

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Well, let's start by exactly what you're looking for, then you can call for suggestions!

I can understand why the ones you've rejected have been rejected, they're either too perfect or simply not sufficiently real. Imaginary boyfriends must have real potential, even if they will only ever be imaginary! So how about Colin Farrel or John Hannah, Colin Firth or Sean Bean, Max Beesley or Christopher Ecclestone - you can tell my preference to imaginary boyfriends runs to the English side of things ;-)

Taffiny said...

Vanilla,
:)
I've only heard of two of your suggestions, the Colins.
Colin Farrell, seems a bit too into Colin Farrell for my tastes. (and a bit of a playboy)
Colin Firth I like. ( I could play Bridgette to his Darcy) But he has a beautiful wife. Somehow my being married has no bearing on the imaginary boyfriend thing, but I only choose single men, doesn't feel right to me otherwise.
(not logical, but I never claim to be logical). (I think this falls into your idea of real potential for the imaginary)
Thank you for the suggestions.

Paul said...

Cute post. I can't help you find the new inaginary boyfriend, but I wanted to let you know I thought this post was funny.

strugglingwriter

Taffiny said...

Paul,

Thank you ! I am very glad you liked my post.

I didn't mean for people to try and find me a new imaginary man (though suggestions are certainly welcome)
:)

Vesper said...

Taff, I'm stunned! :-) :-) :-)
(in the best of ways, of course)
How is it possible for the two of us to be so similar?!?!?!
I've been like this forever and I don't think I'll ever change... I will always dream and daydream of the perfect love, and I will always be in love like this - so no imaginary misunderstandings for me, or thoughts of marriage...
My "lovers" are actors - in fact, I think I fall in love more with the character they play on the screen than with the real person behind it. There's one at a time and it usually lasts a few years, after which they are like "old friends".
Please tell me we're not weird... :-)
So, you're right, you have to find someone really soon. :-)

Taffiny said...

Vesper,

I don't know.
I can't say if we are weird or not?
But if we are, this must be a rather pleasant sort of weirdness as far as weirdness goes. :)

Oh yes, much more for the characters they play (or sometimes for the characters I give them to play) not so much for the actors themselves. (I mean I don't know them and what they are actually like, so that wouldn't work out so well).

Yes, I too maintain a fondness for my ex-imaginary "lovers". :) ( I mean we are together for at least a year, frequently longer, and we always part on amicable terms.)

I am surprised at how my fantasy life holds to the true love thing, and how monogamous it is. ( my stereotype of men is that, for many, their fantasy ideal is to be with a lot of women, but my ideal would be to find and be with just one, the right one, for always. I don't know where most women stand on this fantasy issue, somewhere in the middle I assume)

And yes, I really do need to find someone soon.

Bob is pretty good about the whole thing. I have never brought it up, but he knows, and he can sometimes tell who based on what I am watching, and/or talking about. And I can tell that he can tell, because he will suddenly start making fun of the person of interest, and start saying "you know he is gay".

But he can't mind too much, because if he is watching TV while I am washing the dishes, and happens to come across my current imaginary guy while clicking channels, he will say "Hey, your buddy is on", so that I will know and come over and watch (so I can listen to Bob make fun of my buddy).

And Bob and I both know, it is not really about that actual person.

I guess it is about an intangible I am seeking, longing for, a feeling.

Bob knows I don't feel it in my actual life, we used to disuss that. We broke up over it several times while dating, and once we considered getting divorced because of it. (or I should say I did, not we). He says, has always said, it doesn't bother him.
At times I have worried that it is a flaw in our relationship, but he sees it as a flaw in me, and it is one he is able to live with. So I guess this is just the way we work.
It does surprise me that he is okay with it though, because it may very well be, that I can't bring certian feelings into my day to day life (that I don't, won't, for reasons of self protection), but he, he could find someone who can feel that way, and feels that way about him, there is no reason why, he should live his life without that, Bob is a good man, he deserves that degree of affection. But still he lives his life without it. When I feel guilty about it, I wonder why he made such a bargain? I can not tell if he loves me differently than I love him.

oops, didn't mean to write all that, best start working on my rough draft again, so my posts, and comments will be shorter!

Vesper said...

Taff, thank you for writing all this. A very pleasant weirdness indeed. :-)
I see that similarities between us go even deeper. Quite interesting. :-)