nowhere about today.
tucked into words
unhappy words of loss
I am so behind in my writing, I should be covering now what happens in April in story, but procrastinated writing the parts that dealt with The Letters, because writing those parts is emotionally draining. So now I must plunge in and through them, so I can realign my outside world, and inside world time line.
But it is slow going.
Is it good, bad, or irrelevant, if one is dragged into crying over writing some parts? On the one hand I think it is good, writing is connecting with an emotion, on the other I think well so what, all that means is I am connecting with myself, doesn't mean it will effect other people, and then I also think it can be sort of bad, as it (knowing it will be painful and upset me) creates a bit of a moat around my rough draft, making it harder for me to get myself to it.
So here I sit, papers beside me laptop on lap, safely on a sofa, and I tell you what, I feel like I have been through something, those words, dragging me raw, vulnerable through some hard ground.
I have to go now and get Cheese from school, I am pleased for the break, yet I worry about how long it will take me to force myself back to the draft,
but then there are two sides of it, the sooner I come back the sooner I will have to feel those feeling again, but the sooner I come back, the faster I will be through this part, and it will be both mine, and the stories past, and we can move on,
or else we will both be stuck here, and I find nothing easy in that.

*update*
Just got back, while driving I realized tomorrow would have been my cousin's 16th birthday. That wont make the writing any easier (aka it will be much much harder), but reminds me of how personally important it is for me to do it, especially the hard parts.