Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A preponderance of ponder-ance
(This is back from first wk of November when Moon was asking us to ask him questions, but then he went missing, or on extended leave, or wanted to see if there was any way to collect money for blog-disability or whatever. You know his blog is supposed to have monetary value and all, unlike mine which came out to zero. True I knew it would be low, but I was hoping for at least a dime, for my time. So anyway, I never even emailed him the question, so here you have it as a blog post, as my drafts folder could use a bit of tidying.)
Dear Mr. Topples,
Why is it always the job of the female in the house, to clean up puke and such?
Aren't we supposed to be dainty and delicate and faint at the sight of blood, and gore?
So why then....
If any person or pet in a household hurls is the job the girls?
I know for certain that if an owl crashed in through the window and tossed out a mouse pellet, it would be my job to clean it up, and the glass too.
People can greet me in the mornings, or when I walk in the door from grocery shopping, with coordinates of just such things "Cat puke-half way between the family room and formal living room". They scoof at any suggestion that they could clean it up, they say "it is your job".
Why? Why is it my job?
And how, possibly can I get out of it?
I myself have given it a bit of thought, and this is all I got-
The problem is a male, female one. The males, husband, child, cat, feel it is the female's duty, that would be me, to clean up any icky substance that comes out of another's body. So I am thinking I could dump my husband and marry another woman, thus when our cat or kids puked, there would be no reason for me to clean it up instead of her. Sadly I have found some flaws with this solution, while I find women perfectly lovely to look at, and talk to, I have no interest in "touching" one.
I have also figured out that if I got a sex change operation I would no longer be the female in the house. Bob would certainly leave me for this (unlike those tolerant spouses I see on Oprah). So in order to have someone to clean up the puke in the house I would have to find..no not a woman..I want a man, not nec. a manly man, but a manish man. And while we are at it I am thinking it would be great if he was a chef, so I could have better food too. So tired of my own bad cooking.
Now I am not sure how in same sex couples you decide who is the one who has to clean this stuff up, so that concerns me a little bit, I mean to go through the surgery and all, and still possibly find myself in the same role, would be so upsetting. Also there would be some physical limitations in our male to male interactions which I would not find at all ideal. Also if I was a guy would I still be able to wear my pink sandels, my white flowy cotton baby doll top, and my denim capris with the flowers embroidered on them?
See sir, I have really tried to work out my troubles myself but alas, can find no good solutions.
I think they should work this bit of info into the wedding vows somewhere, so one knows ahead of time what one is in for.
I mean, imagine a woman thinking of those old images of men laying down their coats in the street, so a lady wont sully herself in a puddle, soon she will find that any indoor puddle, made by any living creature, is her responsibility to clean up.
Why are wash clothes too harsh to use on your face, but chemical peels good for your skin?
***Update as of February 19th***
CHEF THING, son Cheese has started cooking, apparently he is also tired of my bad cooking. Trouble is I am sou chef and dishwasher, and make whatever he doesn't feel like cooking, and all that he feels is beneath him, so I seem to be spending more time than ever in the kitchen. (but the food is better)
CAT PUKE, one day I convinced Bob to buy a big box of fancyfeast wet cat food at BJ's, then a week or so later we ran out of dry cat food, and day after day fed our cat wet cat food. He stopped throwing up. A month went by, still no puke. We decided to test it out, gave him some dry cat food, by the next morning puke was waiting for me. So now, for the mere price of spending three times as much on cat food, I don't have to clean up cat puke anymore! Now as long as no one gets sick, and no owls fly in, at least the up-chuck part of my icky responsibilities is taken care of. Sadly this still leaves me with plenty of other substances of unpleasantness to clean up.
So I am still wondering is there any sensible way to get out of cleaning those?