Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A preponderance of ponder-ance

(This is back from first wk of November when Moon was asking us to ask him questions, but then he went missing, or on extended leave, or wanted to see if there was any way to collect money for blog-disability or whatever. You know his blog is supposed to have monetary value and all, unlike mine which came out to zero. True I knew it would be low, but I was hoping for at least a dime, for my time. So anyway, I never even emailed him the question, so here you have it as a blog post, as my drafts folder could use a bit of tidying.)

Dear Mr. Topples,

Why is it always the job of the female in the house, to clean up puke and such?
Aren't we supposed to be dainty and delicate and faint at the sight of blood, and gore?
So why then....
If any person or pet in a household hurls is the job the girls?
I know for certain that if an owl crashed in through the window and tossed out a mouse pellet, it would be my job to clean it up, and the glass too.
People can greet me in the mornings, or when I walk in the door from grocery shopping, with coordinates of just such things "Cat puke-half way between the family room and formal living room". They scoof at any suggestion that they could clean it up, they say "it is your job".

Why? Why is it my job?
And how, possibly can I get out of it?

I myself have given it a bit of thought, and this is all I got-
The problem is a male, female one. The males, husband, child, cat, feel it is the female's duty, that would be me, to clean up any icky substance that comes out of another's body. So I am thinking I could dump my husband and marry another woman, thus when our cat or kids puked, there would be no reason for me to clean it up instead of her. Sadly I have found some flaws with this solution, while I find women perfectly lovely to look at, and talk to, I have no interest in "touching" one.

I have also figured out that if I got a sex change operation I would no longer be the female in the house. Bob would certainly leave me for this (unlike those tolerant spouses I see on Oprah). So in order to have someone to clean up the puke in the house I would have to find..no not a woman..I want a man, not nec. a manly man, but a manish man. And while we are at it I am thinking it would be great if he was a chef, so I could have better food too. So tired of my own bad cooking.

Now I am not sure how in same sex couples you decide who is the one who has to clean this stuff up, so that concerns me a little bit, I mean to go through the surgery and all, and still possibly find myself in the same role, would be so upsetting. Also there would be some physical limitations in our male to male interactions which I would not find at all ideal. Also if I was a guy would I still be able to wear my pink sandels, my white flowy cotton baby doll top, and my denim capris with the flowers embroidered on them?

See sir, I have really tried to work out my troubles myself but alas, can find no good solutions.

I think they should work this bit of info into the wedding vows somewhere, so one knows ahead of time what one is in for.
I mean, imagine a woman thinking of those old images of men laying down their coats in the street, so a lady wont sully herself in a puddle, soon she will find that any indoor puddle, made by any living creature, is her responsibility to clean up.

Why are wash clothes too harsh to use on your face, but chemical peels good for your skin?

***Update as of February 19th***

CHEF THING, son Cheese has started cooking, apparently he is also tired of my bad cooking. Trouble is I am sou chef and dishwasher, and make whatever he doesn't feel like cooking, and all that he feels is beneath him, so I seem to be spending more time than ever in the kitchen. (but the food is better)

CAT PUKE, one day I convinced Bob to buy a big box of fancyfeast wet cat food at BJ's, then a week or so later we ran out of dry cat food, and day after day fed our cat wet cat food. He stopped throwing up. A month went by, still no puke. We decided to test it out, gave him some dry cat food, by the next morning puke was waiting for me. So now, for the mere price of spending three times as much on cat food, I don't have to clean up cat puke anymore! Now as long as no one gets sick, and no owls fly in, at least the up-chuck part of my icky responsibilities is taken care of. Sadly this still leaves me with plenty of other substances of unpleasantness to clean up.

So I am still wondering is there any sensible way to get out of cleaning those?


Vesper said...

Oh, I wish I knew the answer to these questions...
(How philosophical can one be?!!)
And although I don't know the answer (or maybe because in fact I know it) I enjoyed this post very, very much! :-) :-) :-)

Taffiny said...


I am very pleased you enjoyed this post :)
for whatever reason it was pleasing
perhaps because
you don't know the answer, ...or maybe because in fact you do...

witnessing am i said...

It doesn't have to be that way. I clean the puke in our house, for I know that it is one of my wife's least favorite things to do in the world.

Perhaps if you just merely told Bob that it is one thing you really hate to do -- puke and projectiles make you sick -- then perhaps he can add it to his list. Worth a try?

Cute little girl there.

Taffiny said...


Thanks, tis me ya know.

Oh, cleaning puke doesn't make me sick,(can't believe I am saying this, but I wouldn't call it one thing that I really hate to do. I don't like it, but it is okay) I just am uncertain how it is viewed by all as clearly my job. That assumption bothers me, I believe, more than the task itself.

I didn't know there were men (in relationships with women) who cleaned up such things. I must give this concept a bit of time to sink in.

I do feel generally that each person should be responsible (when not sick, aka other substances) for cleaning up after himself

My intention for the post was to be humorous, I do hope it read (at least partly) that way. Perhaps the frustration was at a louder volume.

Oddest thing, as I type this Bob has begun to sweep the floor!

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

You have a very basic problem Ms Taffiny, neither Bob nor Cheese have been house-trained. Males have to be house-trained, just like puppies, it really is as simple as that. And you can use the same basic principles as you would in house-training a puppy.

D and I share puke cleaning duties, no, actually that's a lie, mostly he does puke cleaning because puke and pooh make me, well, puke.

I think Witnessing's advice is excellent, sometimes men just need to be told and asked nicely. They can be quite dopey, unobservant creatures, bless them.

Taffiny said...


You are right, clearly I haven't properly trained them. I made attempts, but clearly have yet to find the right strategy.
You say, I should do the same as I would with a puppy. Does that mean I should crate train them then? (potentially also keeping them in there at night when I am sleeping, and when I am away from home, so they can't get into trouble when they are unsupervised). And should I also stand by with little rewards (keeping plastic baggies of bite sized food in my pocket) and words of praise, when they aim well, or clean up after themselves?
Hmmm...that just might work. :)

Oh if only I could get them to only pee and do their doodie outside, how much nicer my cleaning would be. Oh wait, took a moment to think about this seriously and found it brought a whole other set of problems, so never mind thinking that would be a good thing.

At any rate, I am sure to try the kindly asking them to clean up after themselves thing.

Thanks Vanilla.

kyklops said...

Contrary to what AV said, most men are, in fact "house-trained." The problem is that many like to pretend that they haven't been.

There's a kind of sad irony (or maybe just a boring story) in the fact that, not long after my daughter stopped randomly pooping and puking, we got a puppy to continue the "tradition." I, being the "new age" kinda guy that I am (heh), of course have been up to my elbows in poop and puke.

And, of course, I look forward to the (rapidly approaching) day when someone has to clean up after me (assuming they still let old people live in the future). What was I talking about...?

Taffiny said...



How do I get him to stop pretending?

There has been puppy talk around here, and part of me thinks it would be great, BUT I know all the "fun stuff" would be my job (and that wouldn't be so great).

What is great, is knowing that there are men out there who are helping out their families in this way. Yeah You!!!

Ohhh, aren't they always inventing unusual gadgets in Japan? Someone hopefully is busy right now, designing a something to clean up puke and poop and pee, The 3P Eliminator, or 3PFree. Such gadgets will be VERY important, along with some sort of depends changer and butt washer wiper, in future years. In case the baby boomers eventually need hands on care, in that area, because there wont be enough other people to take care off them.
Oh and don't worry drug companies need old people to buy their products, as do other companies, so surely they will still let old people live in the future.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Mr Kyklops is clearly one of a very rare breed. While I concede that there are some house-trained males out there - who just refuse to reveal their level of training - they are few and far between. I stand by this view. The rare breed may be identified as Mr Kyklops has revealed himself - as the "new age kinda guy". Trust me, there are not that many of them around. I've looked, I've shopped, I've brought one home - but I had to bypass amd avoid a LOT of "ornery" guys on the way - and the "ornery guy", I have to reveal, is a direct product of an over-cosseting mother.
So, now, Taff, be sure that even if it's too late for Bob, to get Cheese house-trained while young!


Taffiny said...


Good point.
And oh that means there is a lot of work for me to do. I find my boy makes it so much work for me to get him to do any sort of work, that it is always much much easier, faster, and even more pleasant, to just do it myself. I must stop letting this tactic be so effective. You are right, I am rewarding, and thus reinforcing ornery-ness

Hmm...I wonder what my male shopping list would be like now, if I made me one?

By the bye,
Bob is a good man (in case I at times make it seem otherwise). I never would have stuck with him, if he wasn't.