mood

song by Ladysmith Black Mambazo- Rain, rain, beautiful rain

Oh rain, oh rain
oh rain, oh rain,
Don’t disturb me, beautiful rain
Oh come, never come, Oh come, never come,
Oh come to me beautiful rain

Rain.
Rain, rain, rain, rain,
beautiful rain
rain, rain, rain, rain,
beautiful rain
oh come, never come, Oh come, never come
Oh come to me beautiful rain

When the sun says good night to the mountain
I am dreaming of the sun
Say good night
When the sun says good night to the mountain
I am dreaming of the sun say good night
When the sun goes down, the birds on the trees
are singing sweet for the night
when the sun says good night to the mountain
I am dreaming of the sun say goodnight

Rain.
Rain, rain, rain, rain,
Beautiful rain
rain, rain, rain, rain,
Beautiful rain
Oh come, never come, oh come, never come
Oh come to me beautiful rain.


My mood is highly transient lately
seems to shift moment to moment.
Feels weird, but I don't think it is a bad thing,
I have a sense of shifting, and shuffling,
attempting new alignment.
I am thinking over, and trying to make myself see, the difference between being an "ideal" me, and being an authentic me.
The former being put on one externally, by media (etc.), so one always feels bad, that she falls short of what she "should" be.
The other is internal, and is worth focus, energy, and time.
I don't want to harrass myself any longer over the external ideal, but I do want to do the work that is necessary to reach for the internal vision of how I am to be in this world. My authentic being.

So like the post before it, a quest for compass, to see my own true north, as it were, so I can stop wandering about, and set course. It still wont be a straight course, of course, but I an hoping for distractions that enrich my life, not those that degrade it (so I myself need to know the difference).
All sorts of everything falls here, health, food, exercise, physical appearance, mothering, wifing, housing, being. The inside, outside, upside down, of seeing, viewing, perceiving, of myself, of others, of the world.
I am seeking a new seeing.
Not so things are different, but so they feel different.