Saturday, August 18, 2007

what should be a part, what should stay apart?

photo from book- Winged Migration

I haven't been directly working on my story.

But I found a book yesterday, at Marshals. I went to look for a rug, no good rugs. But the book, perfect, pictures of birds in flight, something I hadn't thought about before, paid attention to, until it appeared in my story, and now captivates me, groups of birds taking off into the air. I laughed out loud the other day, while driving, as a group of small brown birds took flight from a telephone wire. Cheese asked what I was laughing about. I considered for a moment, than opted for owning-up to crazy, and said the truth. I love watching the birds take flight, and it fills me with such joy that sometimes laughter spills out. It just bubbles up inside me and I can't help it. Like something tickling my soul.
I don't know why it does, but for over a year now, it does. Sometimes it is just nice, sometimes it makes me cry, sometimes it fills me with wonder and awe, and sometimes it makes me laugh out loud. I bought the book because it has pictures like that in it. While looking through it, I came across some Japanese cranes, they were originally supposed to have had a part in my story, but I took them out, and then while sitting there, suddenly I saw them in it again, but I don't know if the scene really happens or is a vision, and neither do the characters, which is actually all the better. Blurring the line, between what is and what isn't real, being unsure.
I am wondering whether or not I should add it though, a vision, is sort of like a dream, and the story has an important dream in it already (and also one minor one). I don't want to over do it, stuff it with too much of the same sorts of things. But of course having invisioned it, and its outcomes, I am already attached to it. I wont worry about it for now, I have written most of the scene, and I will finish writing it, and then later, I can see how it fits in, with the flow and meaning of the whole. And hopefully know if it belongs there or not.

At Barnes and Noble, looking for books and magazines of art, I found a decent picture for Koji (Japanese bobtail cat), who is, other main character (with Mikiyoshi) and/or narrator. I thought it a strange idea, and fought it for a long time, cat as narrator, but there is actually a Japanese classic with such, I haven't read it though, I am afraid it would impact me too much. Anyway, Koji is odd eyed, which is fine, but research says the other eye should be gold (yellow) not green. I will take creative license with it though, and make it a pale yellow green, like the first green of spring hit by sunlight. (like when you stand under a tree and look up, and the sunlight comes through them like stained glass). I also read that Mi-ke cats, tri colored pattern are all female, I have never read that before, anywhere. That is a bit of a problem, Koji is mi-ke in pattern and a male. So I guess if this is true, I will have to change something, either his sex, or his pattern. I can't think about either one now as it will just agitate me. And it is bedtime. I am writing this out, so as to get it out, so hopefully I will sleep. Sleep and I have not been getting on well together for several weeks now. (my son says" who cares, no one reading your story will know if mi-ke cats are all female or not". this is reassuring unless it means no one at all will ever be reading my story.) I like things to be plausibly true, and if I deviate from what is plausible, I need to have sufficient reason, valid reason, and to explain such in story).

Researching, or rather attempting to, to find more out about the mi-ke, tri-colored cats, lead me to other information. Information that only applies to a percentage of cats, information that I could, but also could easily not, use. No need to. But part of me has run off with it anyway, and applied it to the story, and is now looking at the whole of it, through this information, and though you wouldn't find out till near the end (so the writing wouldn't change too much) it would effect things quite a bit. And it really upset me, I wanted to have not picked this bit of information up, I wanted to put it back down, and walk away and say no, that wont be part of my story. It is sort of sad and beautiful and it hurts me when I think of it. I feel the weight of it like I swallowed piles of rocks. Except without the fullness, an empty heaviness. Walking around sighing, fighting the feeling of verging on tears. Saying to myself over and over "you don't have to use it, it is merely an option, if you don't like it, don't want it, don't do it. Go back to where you were". It does add something to the story though damn it. I'm not going to decide now, I am going to try and forget about it for now. I wrote it out in the notebook and I will have to type it up, (just like I will the above vision), and then I will see later on, read it with it, and with out, or feel it with it, and with out, invision it both ways.

I don't know yet, if these are integral parts, or just whatevers, one, one too many ribbons and bows (the one I want to add but fear I shouldn't), the other a path I perhaps don't need to take (just because it is poignant, is that any reason I should have to put us through it, when it is sunnier without it?). One charmed and amused me, the other made my heart ache. And I still don't know about the mi-ke cats and will have to do more research tomorrow.

Okay, all out, and my eyes are starting to hurt, now hopefully I will sleep, perhaps I shall borrow Mikiyoshi's vision and dream on it, and know I have fallen in love.

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