Wednesday, August 22, 2007

feel like curling up in a ball

and sleeping. It has been raining for days.

I am sitting on the game room floor monitoring the internet activities of Cheese and his BFF. I don't know what they were just doing in his room. I came in, and he looked at me like "Oh no!" and we looked back and forth for a moment, then he lunged to turn of the TV, and I lunged to turn it back on, and at the same time he countered by turning off the video game. I saw nothing. I turned it back on, but it went to the intro, so I have no idea what they were looking at/listening to. Most of his games are rated for his age, but grandma buys a few outside of it. It was Tony Hawk 4, I took it out, and walked away. Cheese asked "Why? Why do you assume we were doing anything we shouldn't be?". How he managed to ask this with a straight face just amazes me, and scares me a little. He is all annoyed that I am here, sitting on the floor "It is like you are watching us!". Ya, baby time of my life too. I do have my ipod on, and am on my computer, so I'm not exactly hovering.

I have mixed feelings about fall breathing down my neck. School starts soon. Means getting up really early, being on a schedule, but also having time to myself. I'm not ready though, to give up summer. I can't believe I am already wearing a sweater jacket and jeans. What I love about back to school time, is I cue into (tap into) the energy ingrained into me over the years, of starting something new, of working on projects. Bright eyed, pencils all sharpened, new notebooks, ready to go. But I don't feel it. I should at least be getting it in waves, like a tide not yet in, but approaching. But I am blah. Not only not super motivated, but uninterested, who cares, has settled in, all over, movies, food, books, garden, writing, like a big wet heavy blanket, I am wrapped in, that is starting to get moldy. I've got to throw this thing off.

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