Monday, November 17, 2008
what to do? What to do?
In waves...that is the trouble.
The book, The First 5 Pages called in waves a cliche.
I can't find it listed elsewhere (on the web) as such.
The trouble is, I have in waves in my story, eek, about 4 times. It is about energy or sound moving in waves, from point A to point B, while the objects of origin seem outwardly unaffected. One is nausea, several times it is sound, and the sound waves even come crashing in on main character.
The repeat of it is intentional.
I am wondering how to fix this?
I'm trying to think of other words to use in place of waves.....and also wondering if then I should use the same (new) words each time to draw attention to them being a part of the same process, or if that is totally lacking in subtlety?
And of course also wondering if it need be fixed? Must I not use, in waves?
Is that definitely bad writing, or does cliche depend on context? The guests came in waves, I can see that as a cliche, and I could also easily change that; but I'm not so sure about sound; and waves of nausea does seem a cliche, but it does come and go, and I want for the wave, the surge, of energy up/out (nausea), to be echoed later by waves of energy down/in (sound).
Well I don't know, I'm off to go highlight it wherever I see it, and then see how it reads with whatever other words I can come up with.
Here are some others I found, which I will get rid of-
soaked through to bone
his days blow in and out
working from sun up till sun down
under a canopy of stars (ah but I love that one)
quick on his heels
the rain comes down in rivers (well I can't do sheets either. How shall my water pour down?)
One of my- in waves, is awful.
The ocean tide comes in and out in waves.
Silly, not necessary.
Dreadful, horrid, horrible, Horridible
22 times! 18 in the first half, and 4 in the last.
building in great waves, waves of frustration, wave of panic, waves of sadness, waves of sadness and fear, around me in waves washing over me, being forced upon him over in over in waves, waves of sound, in uneven waves, coming in waves, death in waves, nothing but waves of his pain, shock waves through the trembling earth, waves of sadness strike him, moving in giant waves, another wave of birds, moving in waves, drifts on waves, currents waves of thought, snow falling in waves, a wave of anger and sadness, a wave of something rides through me.
Okay well, yeah, most of those need to be reworded.
God I had no idea all that waving about was going on. Yes, I knew it was in there, and I knew I repeated it, but I had no idea it was that bad, 22 times.
Perhaps, while some of these will need to be rewritten, for most I can just delete the waves part, and the rest will be workable as is. (?) I hope so.