went to the pool on Sunday, Bob had given me a gentle talk, about how I need to work with time better, allot it for different things, not just be all or nothing, saying it was both good and bad, how I could become fully engulfed in a single activity. He told me I needed to take Cheese to the pool.
It was good to not be working on the house. I took my binder with the parts of the story I have been struggling with along with me, just as I had done the week before I started my cleaning week. And the strangest thing happened as I read over it, I didn't feel overwhelmed and confused, I felt calm and clear. I went through the pages feeling this part of the story, and added the connective pieces I needed to weave it together. I am not completely done, but I know it now. I'm not scared of it. I know how it feels, and how it moves, and how I am to walk through it. Breathing in sync. I was starting to think I would never be past this part of the story, the chapter(s) concerning the letters.
It feels sort of weird today to be on this side of it, it was too high, it was too deep, it was too wide, I couldn't do it. And then all I did was walk. I took a step forward and it was there. I didn't struggle for it, I didn't work hard, I just finally saw it. Earlier that day, I had looked at the boards I have been using for this story, and was struck by the fact that I am not far away from completing this draft, for the first time, I thought "wow you only have just a little bit more to go", and I think thinking that helped me a lot, as well as being apart from the story last week, and being upset about being away from it, and also after spending so much time cleaning/organizing, writing felt pleasant.
I am starting to feel like I may actually finish this thing, thank God.
Summer Chapstick. New flavors (all Jello flavors) I have added because it was really necessary :)
Lime- for gardening (vibrant and green, perfect)
strawberry-for going to the pool (it seemed right)
berry blue- smells like a blue snowcone (because cleaning makes me blue, very blue, and snowcones are happy, and you usually get them while doing things that are quite the opposite of cleaning, like while at carnivals, festivals, fairs, beaches...)
6 comments:
I love that photo.
Also, congrats on the calm and non-overwhelmingness :)
I haven't done jack squat fiction writing in a while. I suck.
I know the feeling well! Sometimes when I feel so overwhelmed I start thinking that I should just give up and go write another story, but if I just take a step back and not try to think so hard it starts to flow again. Congratulations!
Paul,
Thanks :)
No no slacker...the point was sometimes it is good to not work on it, sometimes it can be a way of moving forward in your work. So perhaps, sneakily right now, while you think you are just hanging out at the pool with your family, you are actually also taking a giant leap forward in your writing. Moving past some block you thought a cement blockade. Maybe those nachos pack dynamite? Maybe not...but maybe.
Alyson,
Thanks.
Yeah I think that was it, I was mentally psyching myself out, getting scared. When I am unsure of what I am doing, I tend to freak out and run screaming from a task. (big and important or tiny and meaningless), I just get really nervous when I am uncertain/clueless.
I hadn't intentionally tried to step back, because I was afraid if I did, then wimpy me would never go back to it, never work through it. That is great that you have realized that and can employ it. I am just grateful that the other task happened and this did work out.
I guess it can be like those Chinese handcuffs, I had to stop pulling so hard trying to make it happen and just relax. But calm flow is not an atmosphere that I am good at creating for myself to write in. I don't know if I could intentionally do it.
by the bye
it is supposed to be a blurry misty bunny spirit leaping through, or rising through, the flowers.
I went back and looked at your beautiful photo, and I COULD see the bunny spirit!
I like the fact that Bob can give you a "gentle talk" and that you can listen. All-or-nothingness is a state that I can relate to; but it's so exhausting! A bit of this and a bit of that can be more productive.
I'm happy for you -- about making the breakthrough on your story.
:)
Thanks Bee
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