Wednesday, October 8, 2008
(c) Marilyn Shea, 1996, 1999, 2002, 2007

The above link is the source of these photos, none of which are mine
I came across them in my silk worm, and silk research this morning
obviously this is embroidery

How I love those leaves, vibrant and alive they seem. I think of her quietly bent over her work, nothing extraordinary in her form or movement, yet upon a white background, with needle and colored thread, she creates beauty

Birds and flowers, again as one who oil paints, and sculpts, not necessarily well, but still I do, and as a would be/wannabe writer, I love this creation, of seeing something materialize before our eyes, come into being. Separate things coming together, elements drawn together, transformed by hands into scenes of beauty.

Why still researching? I am now, as it feels like I have always ever been, on the verge of finishing rough draft number uno. But it wasn't enough to wonder if I should add in silkworms, and metaphors to such, the dead betta wanted to be included as well (which I attempted quite awkwardly yeserday), and I got a nudge from silk yesterday that today has turned into silk saying "Hey, I can be symbolic too. Use me for metaphors." No, I don't want to. I am done. You hear me done! "oh come on, at least look into using certain aspects for chapter titles." No, no, no! Silkworms said the same thing. What are you expecting me to work both in!? I can't, and I don't need to. "I'm only expecting you to try." Yeah to waste one more day, or perhaps several more, running around with all sorts of odd bits of info, and more internet research, and then trying to overlay it over everything else I have already done. Ugh. No. no. NO! "Just try it, just today, jot all points down on paper, see if they intersect or overlap, see if they work together intrinsically. No more research at this point. Just lay out the points of story, of silk worms, and of silk production, and see if there are any echoes. "Yeah I know there are some, but there is story timeline, and silk worm timeline, and silk one, everything wont evolve at same point, same time together. "You get to discard the idea if it doesn't work. I'm not asking you to bend anything, to force it. I am asking you to look and see. And anyway you know as well as I do, that you will stress eat and do all kinds of unnecessary negative avoidance strategies in trying not to do this, better, quicker, and easier, to just surrender now. Be annoyed, set all the points out, decide what works, and then move on."
( I could explain why silk gets quotes talking to me in my head, but my own voice in my head doesn't, but...)

back to photos from the link

On the one hand, I do not believe I can approve of the world bird trade, something inherently wrong about keeping something that can fly in a cage (plus I know some are harmed, and some die along the way), but at the same time I am drawn to the imagery of it. Of rows of exotic creatures, and winged beings, in cages; attempts at wildness contained; chatter and life bursting forth. Noisy, colorful. I like aviaries, I like bird houses, and I like bird cages too.

by the bye,
I do wish the wild birds flitting about my yard would stop crashing into the windows. I am sure it is to be considered my fault (and feel appropriately guilty), but know not how to fix it. For weeks now, bang, crash, splat. Oh and birdsong of course (but not from the one currently smashing into the window).

well I am off to search for overlapping points...but first I think I will get a bite to eat

update- 6:19 pm the following day, any more researching and I think my laptop will catch fire. I admit I might look into some books I have a bit more tomorrow, but overall research done. Finding the "right" words to google made a big difference.

I shall dream tonight of silkworms spinning cocoons in figure eights,infinity,through successive lifetimes, each one brief. Held for a moment, just long enough to reach forward and form the next generation. So there are always silkworms, silk moths in the world, though each lifetime, each single moth is scarcely here (the moths only live for a couple of days to a week if left to nature's timing. And most don't leave cocoons alive if they are part of sericulture). Then I shall dream of cocoons unraveling being transformed and formed into lustrous silks. Is it a fairytale? Is it a horror story? Yes. I feel its wonder, enchantment, death, and sadness. I never realize where something has come from, where it has been, how many hands, how many lives have touched it, and worked on creating it, to bring it to this point in time. I'll never look at silk the same way again. It wont be with distaste though, it will be with reverence. It is a sacrifice, albeit one not taken up voluntarily by the silk moths, but still a sacrifice for to create something beautiful, useful and beautiful. It has given people industry, food, clothing, shelter. Does that make it worth it? Is that justifiable? I don't know. I'm not sure how I truly feel about the milking of cows and the sheering of sheep (though those don't involve death), et. cetera (I left my veg ways behind several years back, but I'm still uncomfortable with animals dying so I can eat them). But I won't eagerly step forward into a life without goods created by animals. As I try to decide how I feel (how I should feel?), for the goods created through these processes, I do know one thing for sure. From here on I will think about where things come from, and for the sacrifices made, I will feel gratitude.


strugglingwriter said...

Great photos and I wish I had the ability to research as you do.

As far as birds crashing into your windows, I have a solution for you. You need to stop cleaning the windows. Keep them as messy as possible. Then the birds will see them :)

Taffiny said...

Do you mean because you haven't got the time (it does certainly eat time, I am at the moment taking a break from researching. You know the stuff I said I wouldn't still be doing today.) Or do you mean you don't like doing it, so can't tolerate spending oodles of time doing it?

Sad to say, cleaning windows just isn't my thing, about once a year I remember that people do clean windows, and then I start to feel bad about not cleaning mine, and start thinking I should do it, then something or other comes up to distract me, and I forget that there are people (most likely many) in the world who do clean their windows, and that I should be among them. The birds really aren't very helpful in this score, as they are if anything discouraging me, as they seem to find the windows too clear and reflective already.