bottom of the junk drawer

5 or 6 random things.
Janeyv and Akasha tagged me, but I am afraid my mind is muddled, so there wont be anything interesting here, just totally random day to day stuff. Like the bottom of the junk drawer.

6. I feel bad for our fish. His proper name is Frederick Tornado, because I like to call things and beings Fred, and because Cheese wanted him to have a strong manly name, but generally we refer to him as "the fish". He is a betta and some say they should be in very small bowls, because they naturally live in puddles. You will often see them in pet stores, floating immobile in bowls only slightly bigger than their bodies. I do not believe that it is true that they like small bowls. Fred is in quite a large bowl and he swims around a lot and looks bored. He notices anyone who walks by. He knows the difference between me and the cat. If cat, then Fred hides inside his plastic rock formation, if me, then his little fins start flapping real fast, and if I get out the food container and shake it, he wriggles his body around, and opens and closes his mouth. Makes me think of a dog when you say "go outside? You want to go outside?" and they get all excited, jumping around, wagging their tails, clearly saying "YES YES YES!" (I don't know if Fred is saying "yes yes yes, feed me" or if I have activated his fighting instinct and he is proctecting his territory). A few times I put the tip of a leaf in the tank (from his peace lily, which can not be in the tank because the cat keeps attacking and chomping on it), to show where the food was (they are teeny tiny floating pellets), and so now he usually wont eat them, unless I do this. He'll just sit and look at me, waiting, till the leaf tip goes in and out, a few times, then he springs into action charging toward it. I never played any sort of a feeding game with a fish before. So anyway, I think this fish needs a tank, and some docile fish of some sort that he wont kill, because he seems to want to be doing things. Cheese thinks it is funny, because I move the fish bowl location about every two weeks, so the fish has a different view, and level of passerby foot traffic, but Fred needs it, I swear he was trying to read a bit of mail that was lying on the counter yesterday.

1. Weight. Wait!! How did this happen?
Hmm... I gained 7 pounds this winter, strangely enough because of stomach pain, felt better full, burned on empty, and didn't like the bouncing of exercise (or bending forward or much of anything), so I was mostly still. I was already 5 pounds over what I used to weigh, my "ideal", and the weight that goes along with the size of all my clothes, so now my clothes really really really don't fit..oh sure I can still get them on, some I can even zipper, but for all, stuff like bending, sitting, and kneeling, kill me with pain. So I've bought an exercise bike, Bob is not happy that I insisted on putting it in the living room (for now), but it is whisper quiet, and I can watch TV while I pedal, making it an ideal lazy person's exercise. And it isn't at all bouncy. I am hoping this helps, I miss my old clothes, and my self-esteem. And I rather don't like the thought "who are you?" that accompanies catching sight of myself in the mirror.

2. Plant lust.
A flame fanned by warm spring days. A floweraholic with no desire for a 12 step program. I was so tired of digging and weeding last fall, I thought I wouldn't feel this way now, but I was out last week in the beautiful sunshiny warmth, digging and planting, and life was perfect.

Oh... if I could afford to buy hundreds, I would. I want this, and that, and those, and some of these, and lots of them. Tis only April and Bob is already cautioning me that I can't keep buying plants, and we are already squabbling over dirt, as in B- "I am not buying anymore dirt", T "We need gardening soil, and peat moss, and manure, and...".

It is so hard to decide between flowers. I can't buy all the Dave Austin roses I want, but it is difficult to choose which few I want most. The colors seem highly variable (are those petals peach, or yellow, or apricot, or pink, or cream? Depends on the photo and the weather). I have spent too much time this past week googling them, but I want to get the ones I will enjoy the most. Especially since the beds are just about full and Bob says I can't make any more. Oh the looks I got from him when I started digging up the sod in the backyard for a peachy colored flower bed last Friday "What are you doing?!". But in the end he seems okay with it. I think he was pleased to see Miss Stomach and Chest Pain, out and about, acting like her old self. He ended the day by shaking his head at me, but smiled and said I looked cute out there digging away with my shovel. (last night I finally decided, and ordered my roses, so I wont be searching the web for people's rose photos, and comparison shopping anymore.


3. Shopping
I love shopping..grocery shopping, bookstore and used book sale shopping, and plant shopping. Oh and itunes shopping. No wait I don't love itunes shopping, I love having songs, and I love it when I have money so I can buy songs. Which is different from the grocery, book, and plant stores, where I love walking down the aisles and seeing and touching everything.
Other shopping? Shopping for clothes, shoes, purses, make-up, a car, stuff like that, is not enjoyable to me.

I personally spent $30 bucks at the used book sale last week, I was so proud of myself (for spending less at each succesive sale, in the last two years), but Bob who had brought $10 with the hopes that Cheese and I would split it, was not nearly as pleased (with either of us, as we each had a box of books we were clinging to with the desperate grip hold of an addict). I got a really nice book for $4, Martha Stewart month by month gardening, I had looked for it in the library just the week before but they didn't have it, and then there it was at the used book sale as if it were waiting just for me.

4. Grey is leaving me a bit gray.
I am letting my grey hair grow in (grow out?). I still might dye it, I am just scared to because my hair is already coarse and frizz prone. Is it just as damaging to dye it a lighter shade as it is a darker one (when it comes to covering grey) ?
I used to pluck them out but now there are too many and I would rather be grey than bald. Anyway I look ridiculous, firstly they start out by sprouting straight up, bringing to mind seedlings, as they reach for the inch mark and the sky. Now some are two inches, some three, and I look like some crazy bug with lots of white antennae. So I have to wear a barrette atop my head to pull them down, and/or keep changing the part in my hair accordingly. I have a patch center of my crown, which lends to me a lovely skunk stripe appearance. And the effect on the sides where I have some longer strands is a bit like silly string. Again the mirror asks "who are you?". (I usually just shrug back at it "in a transitional period")
A grey that doesn't feel gray is Grey's Anatomy. It is the only show that the whole family watches, I don't mean Bob and Cheese, I mean the women. I watch it, my mom does, my aunt, my cousins, my sister-in-law, my BF from college. We all started watching it independently, but soon realized we were all watching it. I don't know maybe it is odd that none of us ever had a show in common before in all these years, but it is cool now that we do.

5. Green costs green/ It takes green to go green
I am trying to go greener. Janeyv is a bad influence (I never thought about the plastic packaging that my blueberries come in before she talked about such on her blog). Just little things here and there, like cleaners for house and body. I want to cut back on the amount of pollution I am adding to water/ the environment. It is expensive though unless you make the products yourself, and I am not ready for all of that. Earlier in the week I stood looking at some natural type decomposing kitchen trash bags, but they cost so much money (that I don't have. Yes I did just spend some on roses, but planting plants is good for the environment, nature, birds, bees, yada yada, so I think that a good thing, plus planting happens to make me really happy, in a way that sitting and staring at a trash bag just doesn't. And isn't buying used books akin to recycling, plus the money always goes to good causes). I am just not sure about things, I bought some natural shampoo and soaps and stuff, without SLS, et. cetera but they do cost quite a bit more and it gets a bit confusing with some people saying this and that are harmful and others saying they aren't. To cook on aluminum, yes/no? I don't know, I bought this nice baking half sheet (made of the stuff) for roasting veg, and now I wont use it. Bob is already very upset about the price of all the regular stuff we use, such as gas and food, and says we wont be able to heat our home next winter, so I am really trying to find products that are better for the environment that don't cost more (but mostly they do). I think I will be able (long-term) to make our own cleaning products, but with stuff like shampoo and trash bags, I think I will end up reverting to cheaper ways of getting the job done.

There you have it, grey, slightly green, chunky, in love with flowers, books and groceries, and spending time worrying about the psychological well being of a fish. What is in your (snap-shot of self) junk drawer today?