Friday, March 28, 2008


March is almost over, part of me is sad to know this, for I feel like I didn't have March, much of the time seemed to go in ways unmerry, and nonproductive, and I always want and feel I need more time, not less. But the rest of me is happy to move on, closer to warmer days, and hopefully to more merry (no more silly stomach pain, or chest pain, distracting me, and occupying me as I google stuff and try an elimination diet, which did not work for me, except I did decide that I am not having trouble with a category of food).

There aren't any holidays to prepare for in April (St. Patrick's Day pranks went off really well YEAH! Easter was not such a hit, though plenty of work went into it. Cheese didn't like his gifts, and he had trouble finding the eggs hidden outside, and he didn't want to get his hands dirty getting them out of mulch, dirt, grass, or even the mailbox with its possible spiders. He did of course like and appreciate the chocolate, which is good otherwise I fear the Easter bunny might have been incited to declare retirement) so now my time should be more my own, and I intend to be more personally productive with it. I feel like I hit some sort of bump in the road, and let myself be knocked way off track, or came upon a great ditch, and just slide right down into it (instead of working out how to go round), and now I need to find the path again, and take up walking upon it. I just need to gather my energy, find my direction, and set out.

Now what was it I was doing again? Where was I on my way to and why? Wasn't there a song whistling in my heart? What was that tune again? Perhaps if I hum the parts I sort of remember the words will begin to come back to me. If only they would fall upon me like the rain falling outside my window today. The rain softening the ground, and waking the seeds for spring. Words wont you fall on me, over and over, till what is hard in me softens, and gives way, so the planted but ungrown ideas can drink you in, and stories can grow? My umbrella is set down, my face is turned upward, and my heart is open.

rain, rain, rain

wake and inspire

5 comments:

JaneyV said...

I'm sending you some good positive vibes to get that inspiration working. Soon you will be in the ZONE!

Glad the leprachauns got up to some good divvilment this year.
The trick with Easter Egg hunts I've found is not to be too clever. My mother in law does one every year for her grandchildren aged 20 down to 4. She gets a 150 or so mini-eggs (the bite-size ones) and just puts them all around the garden. No attempt is made to hide them. They'll be on a branch, behind a log, sitting on a chair. the kids are given baskets and are released into a frenzy of egg finding. The game is to find the most. It's lovely because the big ones help the littlies. I doubt my daughter would join in if there was any chance of bugs being involved. Don't give up on the Easter Bunny yet!

I'm sorry you're still feeling rotten. If the elimination diet isn't working maybe it's time for a professional opinion?

witnessing am i said...

April is going to be great. March is (almost) behind you, you have it not only as experience but you have survived it, you are that much stronger, that much wiser.

April will not have a holiday, but it will have the sun, the flowers emergence, warmer air, and huge dose of brand-spankin' new hope.

Mediterranean Views said...

As your writing dug deeper and deeper you hit your beautiful, creative, unique voice core: the last paragraph was wonderful. Your prose always leaves me so impressed, even when or especially when you're not trying. (Only you know which it is)
When you first mentioned your ailments, my went to the chakra area that's affected, the emotional issues that are often related to those chakras and some complementary therapies that might work. If you could consider something like that, e-mail me on comeonwriteon@gmail.com and I'll give you some more information. If not, not to worry, but don't ignore it.
Hugs from Spain, Amy

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

Your heart is open and you are willing, that's all you need, sweet Taffiny. The willingness of spirit and bending your head with pen or keyboard in hand - the words will know you're waiting for them and will flow.
I know. I been through patches like this but when one focuses and makes oneself available, honouring the intention - one finds the intention is honoured.

Take care of yourself and go gently, see.
xxx

Taffiny said...

Janeyv,

Thanks for the vibes. :)

I thought at 11 the hunt needed to be more challenging for him, and perhaps inside that is true, but I will be taking a page from your book as far as the outside hunt goes. The Easter Bunny isn't going to hop off, she's just a bit cranky.

Oh, I realize now I didn't state, that I am much better. Not rotten at all, Thank goodness. Most days no troubles, and now when I do feel pain, it is usually because I wasn't careful. If I wait too long to eat something, until I am in pain, no matter what I eat I will be in pain (different pain, but pain). But that only happened one day out of the last 7, so I am much much better. Before, it wasn't so good, before just standing up in the morning brought tummy troubles, now I wake and go about my morning just fine. :)

Witnessing,

Survived it. Oh dear are my words that dramatic? March was unpleasant, but I didn't mean to make it sound dreadful. Well maybe a moment here and there.

What sort of person am I, who is happy when there are no holidays in a month? Hmm..a tired one. That doesn't sound at all ideal, but is real.

Ah I like your sweet words that follow.
April a visual holiday, a feast for soul and eyes, that unfurls just a little at a time. So every day I am seeking to see the green as it slowly rises, and to hear birds as they begin to call. Yes hope sounds great, give me a slap or two of energy to go with it.

Amy,

Thank you, it is very kind of you to say that. :)

I wouldn't say I was trying, I was just complaining and writing what I was thinking/feeling, and then when I hit that last bit and I stopped complaining my internal editor woke up, and she started complaining, "oh so sappy, too trite, oh your imagery, ugh" and I told her to shut-up, tis just a blog, and the words I wrote felt me-ish and I meant them, and if she didn't like them she could just go harass someone else.
So the trying part, was to let them fall, and let them be. And to try and not worry about whether they sounded saccharine or not.

I guess that is the way I am, someone who can become bummed over a bad batch of blueberries, a rather negative way to be "ugh breakfast is ruined". And someone who is quite taken by the beauty in things, and loves lovely ideas. I imagine it is a bit odd to read, "Bah humbug..Oh look at the stars". My feet are always in the mud and my soul in the clouds (my head mixed up with both).

My stories tend to be like the last paragraph, so I am glad you liked it. I worry for them, for they are so, whatever the word is that is that...sentimental? That doesn't sound quite right, they are just taken with.. (oh I don't know, but when certain ideas appear, sentences come with them and fall just so, and no matter how sugar whimsy they are, they wont be budged, not a word nudged, by my interanl editor trying to make them more reasonable "no one will read such drivel". But I guess, despite my concerns that no one else will ever like them, I do, my muddy feet like a walk in the clouds. So I am very happy if you enjoy such sorts of words).

Chakras? I used to not believe in them at all, sounded bit odd. But then one night several years ago, I had this feeling like a jack hammer of energy was shooting down my spine, but it couldn't go further than my abdomen, and the vibration was so strong while it was stuck there that it scared the H out of me (like it might blow me apart. So I prayed to God to stop it, and it quieted down). It still happens from time to time, but now it is much mellower (not scary, actually usually pleasant), and I can get it to go all the way down and then come back up again, in loops.

I don't know if this is a pinched nerve, or what, whatever, but when I tried to research it, I mostly came up with chakra information. At any rate this experience has made me aware of energy in the body. I don't doubt that doing some chakra/emotional work (yearly I tend to have troubles mid Feb. through March, so I easily can believe there is an emotional component), would probably help me, but time wise, I don't know if I can fit it in right now, I just have this great sense of being behind on everything, and I need to get aligned, just get some sort of workable system with what I already should be doing before I add anything to it. Thank you so much for the offer, I do intend to take you up on it, just a bit farther down the line.



Vanilla,

I hope you are right. I need them, to immerse myself again in that part of me, or in that which is beyond but speaks to me.
To honour my intention.


Right now I am off to take my due library books back, hope to stop by your blogs and visit you all later. :)