Saturday, January 15, 2011

   Feel much better. I did look up dream interpretation of such things and nothing seemed to apply.  Mostly now I am having scramble, jumble, tossed dreams, meaning this that and the other thing, and no attempt possible at a meaning, which is fine with me. 
    The dream I had the night after the nightmare a little shimmery blue fish turned into a baseball playing, poetry reciting boy. This transformation happened when I stopped at a strip mall to get him a bowl of water (having assumed the fish I found in my car, walking around with his fins, needed water), and it turned out the owner of the shop was his mom.  He had been reincarnated. He remained a boy in the dream (at the exact age he had been when he died) and was returned to his mom to live the life together they would have had. Plus... 
   I liked that dream a lot.  I think beyond the icky-ness of my experiencing the nightmares themselves, what really bothered me, was what they said about me.  What sort of person dreams about those things? Is that in me? Is that me? It made me feel dark.  But that fear, that concern is lessening, I am thinking about it in other ways. The dreams were never about the act, the dreams occur later on, they were about the aftermath, about sadness, confusion, responsibility, fear, in two of them complicity through silence because of family loyalties. So anyway, I think I was getting too stuck on the details of them, and worrying what they meant, letting them haunt me.  The fish dream was a lovely contrast. And I did not find myself drawn to pick it apart and try to figure out what it was telling me, or said about me.  It was just a nice dream, just like those others, were just bad dreams.

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