am nearby, working at computer. Putting in slips of detail and research.

when off of computer-

Economy concerning.
Cheese's attitude toward school is frustrating. (school called for meeting next week)
My stomach and tongue's attitudes toward food are annoying. (both are fussy and have been so since late August. Never know what I am going to like the taste of, never know what is going to make me feel sick. I did however quite enjoy spending two days eating a gallon of half melted vanilla ice cream. It went over well, bland, creamy, slightly sweet, but isn't at all healthy and not scale friendly. Hmm..I guess there is no gallon of ice cream and avocado a day diet?)

Hoping October will be a reset, a fresh start of sorts in several areas.

bad mood.
Perhaps the rain will wash it away
I am Grumpy and Sleepy, sort of Dopey.
But at least not at all Sneezy.
Would rather be Bashful and Happy.
No Doc with that today.


*update*
calmer now. I haven't been blog visiting scarcely at all for quite a while now, but as my mood has been so bad today I wasn't ready to work on Echo yet, so I did go to a few. I just got back from Witnessing I am, his post The Next Story, I enjoyed much, and it helped me come back to center. I know we aren't to steal each other's lines, but he has one about writing being like dancing with a lion, that I am quite taken with. I have thought of it in many ways, including it is like wrestling tigers, and swallowing alligators. But dancing with a lion, now that I haven't done. Maybe that is what I need to do today. Dance with a lion.

I hear music. Clawed paw extending, palm up..

you know like maybe I don't want to spend the next three days of my life researching worms

sericulture (silk worm breeding) is annoying me today, not for the reason one might suspect (immersion in boiling water of live pupa inside the cocoons), but because I was almost done with the thing, the rough draft thing. I was just adding a smidge of detail pertaining to Japanese bobtail cats ( and a few other notes and details), and now I find I am off traversing the internet, and books, searching for more information on silk and silk worms. I am considering adding it to the story, and shifting things a bit, it certainly could add another layer, but I don't have to add on each thing that presents itself as an option, and it will take more time and more frustration as I can and can not find all the information I would need to get it right, plus while it is the potential symbolism, and metaphors, that are attracting me, they would also add some problems, they would have to flow with the others that are already in the story, and would have to not just be stuck on in one single location but woven through. And I am annoyed because even if I decide it wont work and not to use it, I still can't resist an open gate, beckoning me to explore new territory, I have to walk through and spend time gathering all the information, walking each corner, and thinking it over, before I can decide to include it or not. I can see the finish line (the first of many, a journey of stages this writing business/busy-ness) but keep having to go down other corridors in an ever winding maze, that shows a shorts bit of distance between me and my goal, yet insists on taking me day after day, in directions that seem opposite of the one titled The End.

I don't want to deal with it, I don't want to think of it, I've already scrubbed toilets, washed the shower curtain, put linens in the washer, in procrastination, in avoidance, yet my mind is, filaments of silk, cocoons being spun, life boiled, cocoons open becoming silk threads, threads becoming silk, silk becoming garments, composted dead worms feeding mulberry bushes, mulberry leaves feeding worms. The second story of an old country house once filled with worms. On the first floor in the corner a loom, standing unused, archetecture of empty space. The history of a place, a space in time, and now. A house abandoned again and again over time. The thatched roof, material and forms of earth. Being added to and changed as people consider pulling it along with them into a future way of existence with them, but never finding the right fit. Standing half earth, half modern house, but never yet a home. Having been too lived in, and changed, to simply go back into the earth wanting, longing to be something more, to shelter and be sheltered.

I am trying to do other things, but the information I know keeps coming back to me. I tell it again and again that I do not know if I shall use it. Perhaps it doesn't belong here. It refuses to be pushed aside, looming in the air before me as a question, that perpetually whispers...find out...find out....find out....

I've reached 100,000 words.
I recall last Novemeber when I wasn't sure if I had enough material to get to 50,000 words.
While I am not at all sure about some of the stuff I have put into it (I've got some stuff that leans toward youth and some that leans away from it), and know lots of words will have to be knocked off (in one place I have two version of same scene written in), plus you know all that regular editing needs to be done ( I tend to be overly wordy),
still it is good to know that even if half of it is total garbage and must go, still I would have 50,000 words of stuff to work with.
So as long as 100,000 words of it aren't horrible, I've made some progress.
:)

9/11
I remember

for two weeks now I have thought I was on the verge of being done with the rough draft, but each day it takes more time, and more words. I am so close, but not there yet.
And once again I am ending the day by saying to myself "tomorrow, tomorrow is the day you finish."

Then of course it is on to editing. I imagine editing has a different energy to it. I hope to soon find out.